Hey all! Thanks for taking the time to respond and sending support my way.  I'm happy to report that things are going fabulously.  Mom has made a full recovery and we are leaving for our new home across the country this Sunday. I haven't had contact with my ex, and am feeling really great about my new life. It's funny how quickly getting over everything happened. It's like a light switch went off in my head.  I am now at peace with everything that's happened, and have even forgiven him (in my mind). Life is full of wonderful possibilities, it's our job to seize them and not stay stuck in our own brains torturing ourselves over them and what might have happened. We have no control over them or what they do. We can only control our thoughts and actions. Meditation, church and therapy, along with great friends have helped me get to the place I'm at today! I am so thankful, and I wish everyone the same.  

Thank you ALL for being there when I needed it, and I hope I can do the same for someone else. Much love to you all!

I mean really, how much shit can God put on someone ij such a short period of time???? The last 4 years of my life have been traumatic - one thing after another.

I think I know my answer. Talking to the ex is not the right choice. These are some of the same reasons I stayed before. Can't do it. Won't do it.

Mine wasn't like that either, well, sorta. He's very determined and ambitious. Has a phd in biochem and now going to law school to be a patent atty. But, he's blown all of his "real" jobs as a result of his meth benders or his contract ran out. Other than those 2 jobs, he hasn't done much besides mow lawns at age 36.

My guess is, he'll screw up the attorney schooling or job, if he even makes it that far. But, he's def not lazy.

You pegged him JJ! He's definitely a narcissist, and only cares about ppl when they can help him somehow. I'm of no use to him now.

Luckily we live about 5 hrs apart and I know he won't call me, and I'm not contacting him.

It's just hard sometimes when the thoughts don't stop. I'm def conditioned.

Thank you for your response. I don't take any offense to anything you said, I truly appreciate it. You seem sweet and kind yourself. And all any of us can do is be there for one another on these posts, even if it's stuff we don't want to hear, but need too.

Thankfully you tested negative. Agree about not testing the children now that I know a bit more.

I'm assuming he's on meds, but his CD4s haven't improved since? That seems odd, even if it raised just a few points.

If you haven't divorced, are you living separately?

I think you should direct the children's health questions to the doctors. But, I think if your children have good, non-impaired immune systems you shouldn't be worried. Staph, herpes, other viruses and bacteria are all around us, but typically only affect people with injured immune systems, or direct contact, etc. depending on the disease. Maybe when he has a communicable disese, like pneumonia, keep them with you.

Maybe the other parents on this forum can chime in about when to tell the kids. I think if I had kids I would tell them about the disease - but I come from a very open family, and I also have the disease, so being open is my default.it helps with the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. Since I didn't do anything wrong I refuse to be shamed for having it.

As your kids get older they'll be privy to more things and question it. Esp if your husband lives openly as gay. They may just wonder why he's always sick, or has so many doctors or meds. Just something to think about.

I hope others with kids have input. I'm sorry I can't be of help here.