It is tough.  I think it depends what terms you and your spouse had when you parted. I remind myself that my ex is the architect of these situations going forward..she cheated, she filed, she became a cruel monster hurting me for over a year...

It sounds crazy but as cruel as my ex was if she called me for practical help in a crisis..I would help...she knows this.
But she would do everything in her power not to call.  I miss my inlaws..I loved my inlaws..  it's more hurt to me to see my kindness rejected.  I remind myself that she is not entitled to it anymore..she forfeited it.

Me..if I needed practical help with the kids yeah I'd call her.  But emotional help or help for me for my family..no.she was so cruel.  I remember lying in the ER in pain and she was texting me about money..not how are you feeling.  no my ex sadly is a narcissist.  She would not help unless something was in it for her..ie her image or the kids.



I say if you need help with the kids ..sure call him.  If you need help for you or your mom..  I don't think I would..but again me and my ex parted ways badly..me trembling in fear and hurt...her with hatred and a flamethrower.  No contact even low contact is the rule..the law..it's there for a reason...one text from my ex can remind me of that.


I'd help you if I lived by you..and I don't even know you that well.

Last edited by Rob (September 4, 2016 7:13 am)

Thanks yall! I came to my senses a bit before I read your advice, but I totally agree.

Dee, you're so right, opening that door just puts me back in that cycle. Not happening.

Rob, weren't married and no kids. But I know he'd be there for me in a crisis. But, that doesn't matter. Not going back through that hell even if it'll help momentarily.

Ah Selfrenewal, I'm so sorry to hear you being tested & so much stress! I would ask the hospital for services available to you & your mom. Or your Dr. Or insurance provider? Do you have any siblings that can help carry the load, even financially so u can get an aide worker in while you work? I know it's hard to not reach out to the other hand that is comfortable, that u know. I agree with the others, if you can, try to find someone else first. My only worry is that you will then "owe" him something. And they do tend to take advantage, non?

I hear you on the traumaatic 4 yrs. My life to a t! In the last 3 yrs I have lost my very best girlfriend to suicide, had 2 operations, 2 more to go, one daughter in hospital for 9 weeks,& 2 months ago my mom died. I seriously am physically & emotionally bankrupt. This board is honestly my lifeline right now. So much great advice, from fellow shitstormers that have been thru the exact same thing & some have been blessed & honoured with coming out the other side. Taking their advice can probably assure a positive outcome for you.

Bless you, best wishes for a happy outcome with your mom & take care of yourself first (or at least close second until momma's better!)

Hey all! Thanks for taking the time to respond and sending support my way.  I'm happy to report that things are going fabulously.  Mom has made a full recovery and we are leaving for our new home across the country this Sunday. I haven't had contact with my ex, and am feeling really great about my new life. It's funny how quickly getting over everything happened. It's like a light switch went off in my head.  I am now at peace with everything that's happened, and have even forgiven him (in my mind). Life is full of wonderful possibilities, it's our job to seize them and not stay stuck in our own brains torturing ourselves over them and what might have happened. We have no control over them or what they do. We can only control our thoughts and actions. Meditation, church and therapy, along with great friends have helped me get to the place I'm at today! I am so thankful, and I wish everyone the same.  

Thank you ALL for being there when I needed it, and I hope I can do the same for someone else. Much love to you all!