OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / What were red flags 🚩 to you ?

**Posted by Ordinary guy** June 28, 2021 4:29 am

The Bedroom.

Sex is slightly off somehow. My wife would absolutely refuse to submit in any way whatsoever and had to be “on top” so to speak. Also, it is in the eyes. The way you are regarded by your spouse tells you everything without saying a single word. It is that “feeling” that is unsettling and difficult to rationalise. I think I will leave it to de Saint-Exupery’s fox in the Little Prince:

“And now here is my secret,
a very simple secret.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly that is essential is invisible to the eye”

That is your gut folks.

Last edited by Ordinary guy (June 29, 2021 12:08 pm)

**Posted by Upside** June 29, 2021 3:40 pm

Well said, Ordinary Guy.

Not voicing any sexual desires in 20 years and actively avoiding any physical intimacy. Knowing a great deal about lesbian sex as a teenager in the 90's when that info was exceedingly rare. The implication that she had a relationship with a woman in college, but would never admit it. When she balled uncontrollably after having sex for the first time. Saying porn was disgusting, yet hiding watching women solo. Collecting large binders full of pictures of her female-only celebrity crushes. Having a very specific tomboy-ish type of best friend. The thumb ring she wore on only certain public occasions where this symbol would be noticed. The way she dressed was always hyper formal ironed clothes, which looked manly. The secret "friends" who she would meet at their houses, always mysterious, and that I would never get to see.

When I list it out it seems so obvious, but I never considered anyone would be deceptive about such a thing.

**Posted by ellefemme** December 6, 2021 7:41 pm

1. Sorry to be personal, but its important to note he always wanted me to be on my stomach so he would have an orgasm, in retrospect he rarely had an orgasm if I was on top, or he was on top (missionary style). I guess my sex life is very boring, I just thought that was normal stuff, until now.
2. He seemed to really not enjoy going down on me. It was like an obligation or chore when he did, also he didn't make much eye contact during intimacy. Foreplay was pretty much zero...
3. He was very interested in people's sexual orientation. We would be watching a film and he always loved to look up the actors, it was weird that he would always say, oh they are gay! or oh, they are bi! That for me is not even relevant. For him, he was always interested in this.
4. Fotos on his phone or computer or tablet of his ass, this is something a straight man would send to a woman, that is a thing my gay guy friends would do to other gay guys.
5. He had numbers saved in his phone with no name (this is just sign of an affair, not of being gay/bi/etc)
6. Constantly deleting messages, his I message was almost always empty, also call history
7. All sent emails deleted
8. VERY Long periods of time in the bathroom (I later discovered that is when he sent most of his pictures/ videos, or did a lot of fishing/chatting with various men)
9. Having frequent excuses for not being in the mood for sex. I am tired, or my stomach doesn't feel well...etc...etc....
10. Use of Muscle Relaxers

my heart goes out to everyone going through this. Never imagined what a nightmare / how devastating this is on ones heart, and mental health. Hope this helps someone.

**Posted by Gloria** December 10, 2021 1:08 pm

1. I found jack off cream, condoms, and an anus viberator.

2, Questionable answering machine messages
3 .Two of his friends told me that he made verbal advances to them.
4. I found him sleeping with a man 48 years younger than him.

**Posted by Lostintranslation** January 10, 2022 7:47 pm

Deleted

Last edited by Lostintranslation (January 11, 2022 3:48 pm)

**Posted by Shh0406** February 13, 2022 7:48 pm

These are great! U nailed these!

**Posted by Shh0406** February 13, 2022 9:19 pm

#38 sounds like mine but can't keep his eyes off of men when we're in public
Sneaks out of house at night because i sleep hard. Found door unlocked several times and would go outside daily at night to get cigarettes. I really think that he was giving some sort of signal to someone.

Last edited by Shh0406 (September 12, 2023 5:48 am)