Qwerty, I hear you loud and clear and it is a good strong response but I want to throw up a shedload of caution your way - you are used to trusting her but she is proving untrustworthy. You are in shock, she is not. You are used to thinking of her as your wife, she is not.
When she says she doesn't want to be intimate with you because she is scared she will think of her girlfriend that is a clear indication that her romantic bond, her primary bond is with her girlfriend not you.
Who cares if that changes or not, that's her affair. Say things do get better, say she breaks up with the girlfriend and now she is wanting to save her marriage - is that a place you want to be? How do you think she will handle things with you when the next girlfriend comes along - secretively? but more importantly it is to ask yourself is that romantic bond going to be remade with me and at that point you have to ask yourself was it ever there at all on her behalf.
Romantically speaking you are looking at the ashes in the hearth, the fire has gone out and you are wanting to clear the ashes and rebuild the fire - and you are asking her to share in that.
I have this memory - it was morning and I was clearing the ashes out of the fireplace in the living room and I consciously recognised what I had subconsciously felt all along - he was never going to help me build a fire.
Lines in the sand are good but a year is a long time to wait only to be getting the same stuff. I went for three months. Then when I got the same responses I gave him another three months on the basis he might not have taken me seriously. Then I accepted he was not romantically interested in me and moved on.
