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1 of 1- bakerpurple
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Decided to divorce, probably.
Well, I'm back! In Dec. 2019, I found my husband had been on grindr. Here is my original post. We chatted and came to common ground again and decided to have a baby. This was NOT a "save the marriage baby". Ending the marriage was not on the radar at that point. However, despite the fact that he is "better" when I'm pregnant and nursing, my frustration was just being delayed.
Fast forward to a week ago. He handed me his phone to look at a restaurant menu and I somehow swiped and saw previously opened apps and saw grindr again. I'm done. We had actually been talking over the past couple months about having a fourth baby (gotta have those even numbers!!) but I'm actually pretty content with the kids we have. I posted in a secret facebook group for straight spouses about this and got some gentle harsh feedback that I need to stop waiting for him to make a decision. My previous line in the sand was that if he ever had a physical affair, we would be done. I've been waiting around for this event that may or may not ever happen. In the early years of our marriage he communicated with other guys, but I don't think that's happened recently, but who knows? I stopped looking for evidence years ago because It was weighing too heavily only mental health. I have been unhappy in this marriage since... the beginning?? If he could look outside himself, he could learn to be a great husband but his actions would never be coming from a place of deep love and desire. I deserve more than this. Now I just need to figure out how to get from here to there!! Part of me wishes he could just make a love connection on grindr. Right now, that would 100% be the easy way out for all of us.
I've got an appointment with my therapist next Tuesday. I have no idea of a timeline or what path this will lead down. I want a glimpse of the future... just a 2, 5, and 10 year glimpse would be adequate!
- Daryl
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
You deserve better treatment than this.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- MJM017
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Chances are he is meeting a guy for activities. I know you know that he's aware of your line in the sand and hiding it to keep you around. You serve something he wants and gets for free: a cover, a housekeeper, a woman to have his children.
Might be a great idea to keep a log of his activities. Consult with divorce attorneys to see your rights and responsibilities are in this marriage for your legal jurisdiction. It's to your and children's benefit to be aware of your options.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Rob
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
So sorry.
It is a trauma..the anxiety and stress of wondering what they are doing. What you find on his phone, who is he meeting with
It was too much for me..I would physically shake with the trauma.
Make sure you seek medical help if it gets to be too much..those kids need a strong mom.
Wishing you strength and fortitude.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
Hi Bakerpurple - I just read your post to Sean and the back history here. It seems we both have 3 children! Isn't it tough to determine what to do when children are involved (BIG SIGH)?
- bakerpurple
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
Ugh, it's so hard! Back in the day (before marriage) I would break up with boyfriends and block them out of my life happier and singler... haha. High school, man.... those were the days.
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Thread Starter- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
LOL - too funny! It was easier to dump a guy. Feel free to vent anytime! I hesitated for a good year before deciding to end my marriage. I realized I had too many moments when I questioned my husband's behaviors and knew I would not have treated him the same way. My GID husband is a great Father but a not-so-good husband. However, we both want to raise our kids in the same household. We've been sleeping in separate rooms ( he claimed to have back issues) for the last two years, providing us with space, and it's become the norm for our kids. Our goal is to provide a loving environment for the kids. We believe it's doable because my husband travels, and we genuinely like one another. He's a fun person but not a good husband. I think he married me to fulfill his wish to have children, so he's motivated to stay active and present in their lives. My therapist's analogy is to move him out of a role he can't fulfill in your company. I'm looking to find a new position for him, lol. I try to find the bright parts in this not-so-good situation! I hope your situation works out!
- True
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
Wishing Ya’ll A Wonderful Holiday Season
❄️💟☃️❄️💟☃️❄️💟☃️❄️💟☃️❄️💟☃️❄️
"And you will know the truth, & the truth will set you free"
John 8:32
True ❤️.
- gwendolyn_C
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Re: Decided to divorce, probably.
True - you as well!
I have told my Sister that I am filing for a divorce. It feels good to have the support.