Well, I'm back!  In Dec. 2019, I found my husband had been on grindr. Here is my original post.  We chatted and came to common ground again and decided to have a baby.  This was NOT a "save the marriage baby".  Ending the marriage was not on the radar at that point.  However, despite the fact that he is "better" when I'm pregnant and nursing, my frustration was just being delayed.

Fast forward to a week ago.  He handed me his phone to look at a restaurant menu and I somehow swiped and saw previously opened apps and saw grindr again.  I'm done.  We had actually been talking over the past couple months about having a fourth baby (gotta have those even numbers!!) but I'm actually pretty content with the kids we have.  I posted in a secret facebook group for straight spouses about this and got some gentle harsh feedback that I need to stop waiting for him to make a decision.  My previous line in the sand was that if he ever had a physical affair, we would be done.  I've been waiting around for this event that may or may not ever happen.  In the early years of our marriage he communicated with other guys, but I don't think that's happened recently, but who knows?  I stopped looking for evidence years ago because It was weighing too heavily only mental health.  I have been unhappy in this marriage since... the beginning??  If he could look outside himself, he could learn to be a great husband but his actions would never be coming from a place of deep love and desire.  I deserve more than this.  Now I just need to figure out how to get from here to there!!  Part of me wishes he could just make a love connection on grindr.  Right now, that would 100% be the easy way out for all of us.
I've got an appointment with my therapist next Tuesday.  I have no idea of a timeline or what path this will lead down.  I want a glimpse of the future... just a 2, 5, and 10 year glimpse would be adequate!