OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+.


For more information about our recent name change, please read our press release or visit our website at https://www.ourpath.org.


BE A DONOR >>>

You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



October 13, 2021 8:07 pm  #11


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Soaplife wrote:

Helpme25 wrote:

Soaplife wrote:

Helpme25, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you.  That is very cruel and not an acceptable way to treat a spouse and the mother of your children.

If you can, find a therapist or counsellor you can visit alone and talk through your difficulties with. That will help you be less confused and sort out how you feel and what you want for the future.

It is good you are seeking help for this now, and not making excuses for him.

But why not just leave me? At the beginning of marriage?  I suppose I am a cover up.. because I would threaten to leave over the no sex or just not happy he wouldn’t let me I did leave 7-8 months ago I got him back because of our child and probably because I also still loved him but he didn’t put to much of a fight to get me back he also used a excuse of not having sex Bc he caught a std a year before we were married  which was a lie

So I'm guessing the reconciliation has not been what you hoped - in fact has possibly made you even more unhappy. Often getting away for a while clears our head, and then going back shows us more clearly that things are not right.

Helpme, I don't think you will ever understand why he does what he does ... the main thing is to decide what you want to do in the best interests of you and your children.

I want to leave and start my life over.. but because we do have children I feel to hurt breaking our family up they need there father in there life’s I guess I feel stuck and yes unhappy

 

October 14, 2021 6:45 am  #12


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme said: I guess I feel stuck and yes unhappy.

Yes, that’s one of the early signs that something needs your outmost attention, for yourself and your children. Please don’t live in denial of it, it can be very difficult to see through at first, mostly because it’s so hard to believe this is actually happening to us and our child(ren).

Yes, he may provide financially, but at the end of the day, what’s your quality of life like. Your child(ren) will feel your unhappiness and that impacts their life.

One decision at a time, post here as much as you need. Lots of people with good information here to help you, as you-decide things, ok.

Take good care.

Last edited by longwayhome (October 14, 2021 6:45 am)


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

October 14, 2021 10:49 am  #13


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

I’ll cut to the chase.  He’s not straight, and sounds like he’s mentally destroying you.

A better husband you do deserve.

 

October 15, 2021 3:35 am  #14


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme25 wrote:

I want to leave and start my life over.. but because we do have children I feel to hurt breaking our family up they need there father in there life’s I guess I feel stuck and yes unhappy

You and the kids minus one fuckwit is a family.  Kids need a sane and stable parent who is looking out for them.  That would be you.

My family is me and my five kids.  My kids have all decided they don't need him in their lives. He chose another path. None of us want to live with his chaos fucking up our lives.

 

October 15, 2021 4:49 pm  #15


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Hello Helpme25,

Am so sorry you find yourself here.  My late GIDXH was the perfect fiance who morphed into an abusive and rebellious teenager after our marriage. I am very glad he's been out of my life for a few years.

If you don't mind me asking, is your husband a great father emotionally? Is he patient, kind, loving to your child? Does he enjoy spending time with your child? Is your husband helping you through your pregnancy. Is he concerned and taking concrete action to ensure you have a safe and healthy pregnancy? That's just as important as the financials.

Just my opinion, but it is smart to keep your life as is until your child is born and doing well. Reassess your life at that point. What seems like a very bad and impossible situation now is not. It just feels that way.

Take care of yourself and your little family. Write as much as you wish.

Best,
Maria


 


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

October 17, 2021 3:12 pm  #16


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Blue Bear wrote:

I’ll cut to the chase.  He’s not straight, and sounds like he’s mentally destroying you.

A better husband you do deserve.

He definitely mentally destroyed me
I don’t know how to get out
As for a new husband I can’t trust around my daughter

     Thread Starter
 

October 17, 2021 3:14 pm  #17


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Soaplife wrote:

Helpme25 wrote:

I want to leave and start my life over.. but because we do have children I feel to hurt breaking our family up they need there father in there life’s I guess I feel stuck and yes unhappy

You and the kids minus one fuckwit is a family.  Kids need a sane and stable parent who is looking out for them.  That would be you.

My family is me and my five kids.  My kids have all decided they don't need him in their lives. He chose another path. None of us want to live with his chaos fucking up our lives.

I try to be the best for my child but some days is harder than others

     Thread Starter
 

October 17, 2021 3:15 pm  #18


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

MJM017 wrote:

Hello Helpme25,

Am so sorry you find yourself here.  My late GIDXH was the perfect fiance who morphed into an abusive and rebellious teenager after our marriage. I am very glad he's been out of my life for a few years.

If you don't mind me asking, is your husband a great father emotionally? Is he patient, kind, loving to your child? Does he enjoy spending time with your child? Is your husband helping you through your pregnancy. Is he concerned and taking concrete action to ensure you have a safe and healthy pregnancy? That's just as important as the financials.

Just my opinion, but it is smart to keep your life as is until your child is born and doing well. Reassess your life at that point. What seems like a very bad and impossible situation now is not. It just feels that way.

Take care of yourself and your little family. Write as much as you wish.

Best,
Maria


 

I don’t know what to do I guess he is supportive through this pregnancy

     Thread Starter
 

October 22, 2021 4:07 pm  #19


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme25 wrote:

Blue Bear wrote:

I’ll cut to the chase.  He’s not straight, and sounds like he’s mentally destroying you.

A better husband you do deserve.

He definitely mentally destroyed me
I don’t know how to get out
As for a new husband I can’t trust around my daughter

Don't worry about finding a new husband just yet.  I was just trying to say that in terms of having a "husband", the one you have seems to suck.  Worry about getting out fo the relationship with the husband you currently have.  Visit a lawyer (don't tell him you are doing this) and start planning.  It's a brutal journey, but it was worth it for me.

 

October 22, 2021 4:35 pm  #20


Re: I’m pretty sure he’s gay.

Helpme25 wrote:

Blue Bear wrote:

I’ll cut to the chase.  He’s not straight, and sounds like he’s mentally destroying you. A better husband you do deserve.

He definitely mentally destroyed me
I don’t know how to get out
As for a new husband I can’t trust around my daughter

Helpme, I fully agree you need to do some planning, but that can be challenging under these types of situations. Your comment above, concerns me a little bit. Can you clarify what you mean when you say, ‘I don’t know how to get out’?

One day at a time. Take care.


I never cease to wonder at the cruelty of this land, but it seems a time of sadness is a time to understand, is it mine, oh lord is it mine, when everything is dark ….. Roger Hodgson. 
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum