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This will be like a thousand bombs in your heart all going off at once. Trying to destroy what you believe in. All your thoughts, desires, attempts to better your r'ship, your compromises.....these are all attributes to the person you are, 
so never ever feel bad about your positives. This is going to hurt for a while, Take it from me you're going to have to pull out all the strength and resources you know you possess right?

It's a great thing (it won't feel like it at the moment) that you have a home with people who love you to retreat to as you get your head straight and the world stops spinning.

Have you talked to your family/friends about this? It's important you do

Elle

What also hurts is I feel I have invested so much. Not to say she hasn't but our financial situation is stellar. We get by relatively comfortably but she pays for rent and most of the debt (new fridge, clothing account, my phone as I got her old 1 and I pay for her brand new one, etc) while I pay for the food and I get things for the house. I recently spent like R3000+ on a new vacuum and microwave. When we moved out, I brought the bed, I brought the furniture and now I'm leaving all these things behind because she cannot afford to buy new things and I'll probably still have to support her financially because she can't buy food or electricity. She simply can't afford it.

Didn't mention I'm from South Africa, so R3000 roughly translates to $200.

Her mother passed away very early in our relationship and her dad struggles to keep a job, and is to prideful to admit to the mistakes he made during his life, so she cut him out. She lived with my family an dmyself for a good few years before we eventually moved out.

We were married out of community of property so legally, everything I bought is mine but if I take it everything I bought, she will struggle. If I don't help her out financially after moving out, she won't be make it on her own because her salary is not enough. So now I feel like it's a win win for her and a lose lose for me. She does care about me and somewhere she still loves me in come capacity but she's getting her independence and voids her responsibility towards me and out of love and care I still provide for her because I can't just leave her high and dry.

Dirkie88,

To have your life’s plan in place and your partner alongside you would have given you direction and meaning in life. To travel across the ocean of life exploring and discovering together the new and untrodden future before you is how life should be. To have this revelation at this time in your relationship has shaken the very foundations of what you held to be true. That dream you held for the both of you is over now. Don’t let it become a nightmare by holding on to the memory of what should have been. It is tempting to hold on to what you have left after losing so much, this is only natural. I know from what you have said that you have been sweethearts since school, but this is probably the hardest lesson you will ever have to sit through. Your wife says that she thinks she is lesbian, which means that she is. She will need to have a sexual and emotional relationship with a woman and not a man. You need to have a relationship with a heterosexual woman to find your true peace and fulfilment. She is not your financial or your emotional burden to bear anymore. She is an adult, she has made an adult decision to admit to her true sexuality. You need to look after yourself and your needs now. It is better to come to this conclusion at such a young age before deeper financial ties and possibly children would have made things so much harder to take. Trust me, you never want to be there.

Be well Dirkie88, think about what is right for you.

4949 days…