Stopping sexual intimacy, moving to separate bedrooms, starting to experiment... I hope it's obvious where that road will lead to. If you step back and think about it, I suppose you realise that.
Maybe there is some reason for this developments, like she is starting to have feelings for some woman? And/or a growing emotional distance in your relation.
I think you'll have to talk more, and more honestly together, and find out why things became what they are.

If your wife already made up her mind and made a considered choice to seek love outside the marriage (even when she's not admitting it openly), it's probably the end of the line. She could reconsider, but otherwise I think it's best if she postpone 'experimenting' until after the separation. It'll save you a lot of senseless hurt.

There are other options than heading for certain divorce. But only if both have the will to do so is still there. 
That means change in the way you communicate, face feelings, being really honest. A lot of open talking (it takes a lot of time to get there, and is emotional demanding for both).
In my experience unconditional acceptance is key. Not only you accept her and her sexual orientation, but also she accept herself and accept you as you are.
When both are being authentic and open, the possibility of accepting the situation in your marriage arises.
Where hopefully much is/becomes very good and in place, emotional connected through communication, sharing feelings and honesty. Allowed to be authentic because there is real heartfelt acceptance.
Except... the sexual relation aspect of it. Well no surprise there, she is lesbian married to a man. 

Some people don't care about sex, "it's just sex", and when they happy with that, well that's okay. But for most people sexuality in marriage is very important on several levels of their being.
The relation will only flourish (ultimately) when the sexual relation also becomes fulfilling to both. (and with fulfilling I not just mean in the physical sense but also emotionally)
Sexuality is not limited by rules and strict borders. Yes, a fulfilling sexual relation between a lesbian and a man is certainly possible. Actually I think when the two become very strong connected emotionally, with openness, acceptance and love for eachother rules, it's becomes nearly unavoidable this will happen. When the time is right it just needs a spark to ignite it.

But this can only happen if you go about it with a vision of what you want, and determination to go for it because you love each other and want it by your choice. A voluntary choice made from your free will.
It's certainly not a easy road, and it will take several years to reach solid ground. 


Sixteen years ago my wife came out lesbian after 20 years of marriage (we were around age 40 at the time and have 4 kids). It was hard, but we worked it out.
We are monogamous, are happy together and enjoy an active sex life.

My personal story may be of interest to you to read:
https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=1931

My wife (SamanthaNL) also posted about several aspects of our relation from her viewpoint.
https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=2114

Last edited by Dutchman (March 28, 2021 7:05 am)

I hope you are going ok, Lconfused - this does hurt a lot and there's no way out of that, particularly with children involved.

Reading between the lines or rather based on the odds the likelihood is your wife has stopped 'loving you physically' because she is doing it with a woman.  That seems to be the trend.  Once there is a full on love affair then they just don't want to do it any more with their spouse, it is too hard.  NB - she never did really love you physically - take that on board, that she was always gay, that she was hiding the truth of her feelings from you and you will feel less confused and the process of reclamation of self can begin.

Suggestion.  Reconnect with family and old friends who knew you before you met her.

I will move to the other group. Thanks for being kind strangers.