broomhilda,
   That note looks to me like a warning shot across the bow, that your stbx is going to punish you, including financially--especially financially!--for your decision to separate and, I assume, eventually divorce.  It looks to me that what he's saying is this: "if you want to be independent, then you're going to have to pay for your life yourself."   

   I could be wrong, of course.  I don't know what your financial arrangements are, whether you pool your finances of keep them separate, or have some hybrid arrangement, or whether he is the main wage earner (or you are) and he takes care of household expenses like this. It might be that he's really saying, "Do you want to write the check yourself?" rather than "You're going to have to pay it out of your funds," and what he's doing is playing the "understanding game," the one in which he demonstrates how understanding and kind he is (my ex loved to play that one, although it alternated with the games of "I shouldn't have to pay for that" and "I've decided how we should split our resources and you need to agree to my decision").  

   Whatever it is, it sounds as if the two of you need to sit down and talk out interim financial arrangements.  And although this next is next to impossible when in this stage, try to separate your emotional response to what is inevitably going to his self-serving bullshit from your analytical response to whatever proposal is on the table.  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 3, 2021 1:38 pm)

Perhaps the best thing to do, before and especially if you feel uncomfortable sitting down with him to discuss financial obligations, would be to go and see a lawyer to inquire about your financial rights and obligations, so you can make informed decisions, especially about your business and those savings for retirement.  

 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 3, 2021 1:43 pm)

Broom,

Well that certainly shows his character.   If he doesn't want to pay expenses as usual and you're not divorced and have no income yet..does he want to see you suffer?  It looks that way.  You have no choice then but  to go to your lawyer and get some agreement in place.   Personally if I was in your situation. I'd  borrow the money from someone if I could, take an equity loan against the house or charge it on credit.   Then I'd have it written into the divorce settlement that you want that money back. 

Talk to your lawyer.  So sorry but if your husband is like this, this does not sound like a mediation type separation.

Fwiw my gx had no job or income..absolutely nothing.  I paid everything..status quo ..right up to the day the divorce was signed.
I kept all my vows and all my promises.
I was not mean and not cruel.

These spouses create these problems that we should not have to solve.