Thank you for posting Gwen and Bakerpurple (BP). In reply to BP's post: 

1. Hi Sean.  I’ve debated posting asking you for advice for a long time but need to hear from someone how knows, so…  here I go.

Fingers crossed! 

2. I lasted posted on the forum back in October. 

I've read it and your first post. Don't have another child with this man. 

3. The VERY next day my husband had a work meeting that lasted longer than expected (legit).  I looked at his location on the map when he was headed home and knew he’d arrive in about 20 min, but 25 minutes later he was not home… map showed him at an apartment complex, and he had been there for 20 minutes!  About 25 minutes later, I texted to ask his ETA and then his position on the map snapped back to the freeway and showed he was about 15 minutes out. 

Ok so he's arranging hook ups on the drive home from work. This situation sounds incredibly stressful and I'm so very sorry you've been put in this situation. I've sometimes referred to this as the "warden" or "probationary officer" stage, with the straight spouse tracking her husband's every move. If your situation is similar to other straight spouses I've exchanged with over the years, you've likely been trapped in the discovery-conflict-honeymoon phase for years now. (I see that your first post is from January 2020 for example.) When a gay-in-denial husband (GIDH) gets caught and senses the possible end of his straight marriage, he panics and makes promises he'll inevitably break. He promises to never use Grindr again; to stop cheating; and often promises to never watch gay porn again. When the GIDH breaks these promises two or more times, his straight spouse often starts tracking him, in a similar manner to what you've shared. While I'm not a mental health professional, I do believe that what you've described above signals the final stage of your gay/straight marriage. 

4. When he got home, I asked where he stopped on the way.  He immediately said “nowhere!”.  Uh huh.  I took the baby to bed, and a minute later he came in and said he stopped to pick up donuts, but the shop was closed.  Uh huh.  Except the shop was still open at that time, and he brought home extra cookies from the work meeting so why stop for additional treat?  I knew he was lying and based on what I was already thinking, I didn’t bother questioning anything he said because this basically sealed my decision to divorce. 

Understood. Let's just acknowledge the elephant in the room: your husband arranged for an after-work Grindr hookup with a man. On October 17th you wrote: "My previous line in the sand was that if he ever had a physical affair, we would be done." Line crossed my friend. If you're still having sex with your cheating/closeted husband, he's putting you at considerable risk of catching an STD/STI. So I'd recommend you get tested as soon as possible and only have safe sex (meaning condoms) with your husband going forward. As I shared in my recent podcast interviews with "Our Path", no one spends three years walking into a bakery just to smell the cookies. You're eventually gonna bury your face in that chocolate cake. The same applies to gay hook up apps like Grindr, Scruff, and Hornet. The sole purpose of these apps is to arrange for hook ups like the apartment complex sex stop you described above. 

5. I’ve had a couple appointments with my therapist, and I decided to tell him in January that I’m out of here. 

Ok.

6. Well, I know there’s that cycle you refer to and I’m stuck in the honeymoon limbo!  We haven’t had a fight or blowout of any kind, he knows he messed up and is going above and beyond his normal stuff… he’s doing the dishes, playing with the kids after work, you know, normal dad/husband/partner stuff that should have been happening all along.

For those who are new to this thread, the "honeymoon" phase is a 3-4 month post-conflict period during which the GIDH initiates sex and does his best impression of a good husband/father. As you know it rarely lasts.  

7. He just decided to quit his job and make his independent side business his full-time focus starting January 1. Pretty much the worst time for me to also say, by the way we’re over. 

GIDHs are incredibly sensitive to other's emotions so he likely knows your annoucement is coming. I reckon he's actively taking steps to keep you financially trapped in your dysfunctional marriage. Some other common tactics are: claiming sexual assault or sexual abuse (often bullsh*t); having another baby; a proposed move to a new city; and/or big financial moves such as starting a business or buying a new property. 
 
8. Here's where I need advice.  Whether we stay together or not, his financial success helps all of us (I legally own his business and process all billing, so no concerns there (now at least)).  Since he’s actually trying, home life isn’t horrible. 

I disagree. Based on your previous posts and based on what I'm reading above, you're desperately unhappy, you're in therapy, you're moving towards divorce, while raising multiple small children (likely alone) all while obsessing about your husband's random hookups. "Not horrible" doesn't sound like a healthy environment in which to raise children. Ask yourself this: if an adult daughter or your sister came to you and shared about the exact same situation you've endured for years, what would you advise them to do? Divorce of course. 

9. But I know there’s a black cloud up ahead…  When’s is going to hit? 

I reckon it hit three years ago when you caught your husband f*cking men via Grindr. Put bluntly, separation/divorce sound like huge improvements to your current toxic home situation. I hope that doesn't sting too much.  

10. At what point do I say I want a divorce? If the business struggles and the family ends, I’m concerned he might not survive that. 

You're bargaining...something we've all done. Few of us were just ready to walk away from our marriages, particularly when children are involved. And no I don't think your husband is going to commit suicide. He's cheated on you for years despite decades of Mormon brainwashing that he's "evil" or "disordered." And he'll survive separation/divorce as well by leaning on his own family/friends. 

11. My kids need a happy alive dad. 

More bargaining or perhaps he's manipulating you by suggesting suicide. Clearly your husband isn't happy and likely hasn't been for decades. After all he's a "demon" according to your Mormon faith and he's lived with that heavy burden while also hiding his Grindr hookups from you for years. So he's resourceful. What you want is for him to need you. As for alive, he'll be much more alive and present once he's out of the closet and perhaps in a loving relationship that aligns with his true sexuality. He wouldn't be the first Mormon I've encountered who got out of that broken religion. A religion that wrongly claims prayer and a straight marriage can convert gay men. False! (If you need confirmation, just Google Josh Weed.) Most importantly, I reckon post-separation you'll have much more mental bandwith to take care of yourself and your children. Imagine the freedom you'll feel when you're no longer forced to keep him from doing "butt stuff" and policing his daily movements.  

12. But I don’t want to be stuck in a loveless hopeless marriage forever. 

Amen...say that loud enough so they hear it on planet Kolob!
 
13. At least if I’m single, I can be lonely by myself and hope for love in the future.

Truth. And don't have another child with this troubled, questioning, and dishonest man. 

14. To top if all off, our anniversary is on Sunday and he’s getting all excited and buying me multiple gifts. 

Based on your previous shares, I reckon he's doing his best impression of a straight husband. Good husbands don't use Grindr. Good husbands don't cheat on their wives. Good husbands don't lie to their spouses. This is not a good husband. You deserve better and he needs to stop pretending. 

15. I have bought him exactly nothing and don’t have any idea what to do!

Good for you. You're no longer living in denial which is a necessary step forward. If I'm reading your posts correctly, the best present you can give yourself and your future ex-husband is a quick and amicable divorce. I hope that helps my friend. Be well! 

Last edited by Sean01 (December 14, 2022 4:35 am)

BP, Family Law in your area may have a formula for support if a spouse's earnings fluctuate. If you haven't already, consult with some divorce attorneys to see what your legal, custody and financial rights are.  It's important to protect yourself and your kids from a self-centered stbx.

My late GIDXH did something similar. He didn't work at his business so it failed. Don't know why, but he wasn't too upset. He filled his time somehow. Am guessing he had a few boyfriends.  ☹️

Thank you for writing Jewels. In reply: 

1. I’ve been reading through these threads for a while and wasn’t sure where to post.  I am in the vortex of the mindf*ck and need some advice. 

I'm so sorry you're struggling my friend, particularly during the holidays. 

2. Here’s some backstory: I have been married to my husband for 24 years and we have 3 children, the last of them graduated high school this year and moved away to college. 

Understood. If you're in your mid 40s or early 50s, in my experience this is when most closted/questioning husbands start to (overtly) cheat on their wives with men, particularly when you're empty-nesters.  

3. I have known for a long time that he has a same sex attraction...

Given the wording "same sex attraction" am I safe to assume that you're from a religious/Christian background? 

4. ...and I confronted him about it I 2015 due to some behaviors (getting handsy with male friends) that were getting more frequent and public.  He admitted he was attracted to men back then but didn’t think he could ever act on the attraction. 

Question: can you be more specific about "handsy"? I reckon he was already "acting" on his true sexuality if he was feeling up male friends and work colleagues seven years ago. As I've shared in many previous posts, these "behaviours" often represent just the visible tip of the iceberg. Gay-in-denial (GID) husbands often get caught because they're doing so much outside of their marriages that getting caught pink-handed is sometimes inevitable. So what's my point? In my experience, 9/10ths of a closeted/questioning dad's cheating often remains underwater...meaning he gets caught once but much remains hidden/undisclosed. On an unrelated note, if there has been tension between mom and dad for the past seven (7) years, most adolescent kids pick up on it and are often aware of dad's cheating. And why? Because they discover dad's hidden online life and yet keep it from mom for fear of provoking a break up. Food for thought.    

5. I offered to let him explore if he needed to, not wanting to be in a marriage with a closeted man who might come out later and he declined.  In May of this year, my husband kept “jokingly” saying we need to invite a particular male friend of ours for a sleepover.  This lead to us having a threesome with him and eventually deciding to open up our marriage.  This past summer we played with another couple and my husband had his first interaction with a man and it was like Pandora’s box was opened. 

Smart. I believe you're the 10th straight spouse I've interacted with who allowed and/or participated in swinging. Questions: 

a. Can you describe what exactly happened during the "interaction"? 
b. Would it be safe to say your husband enjoyed the "interaction"? 

While I'm not a mental health professional, most of the straight spouses who swing or participate in threesomes are horrified to see (first-hand) just how much their husbands enjoy having sex with men. In fact, their closeted/questioning husbands appear to enjoy sex with men much more than having sex with their wives. Please feel free to confirm if this was your experience.   

6. In the beginning it was like a honeymoon period. We talked all the time and had frequent sex, although there was always a realistic dildo involved.  He was very insistent that all of our explorations be done together as a couple. 

My question is as follows: are your sexual needs/desires getting met during all of these explorations? This follows a common pattern: the wife suspects her husband is questioning/gay; she gives permission to open the marriage; he only appears interested in introducing a man to their consensual "play"; there is never any suggestion of introducing a woman because he isn't really interested in sex with women; a honeymoon period begins but it never results in (his) penis going into his wife's vagina (penis-in-vagina or "PIV" sex); toys are introduced making their sexual encounters more male-on-male in nature (she often pegs him); he often insists on watching gay porn during these sessions with his wife; she is horrified to see just how practiced and present he is with any (real world) male-on-male play such as passionately kissing or performing oral another man; she is more of an anchor, accesory, or masturbatory tool and never really feels satisfied as she strives to meet his every gay-like sexual need. Please let me know if any or all of this applies to you. 

7. Then 3 months ago he decided we could explore on our own and he has been seeing men exclusively.  He has completely checked out of our relationship. 

I'm so sorry this happened. You deserve better. By writing "he" decided, am I safe to assume that you didn't agree or perhaps weren't really consulted on this next step? 

8. There’s one man that he has been seeing locally regularly.  Last week he took off on a trip with a man he met on a gay dating app.

These are red flags, particularly if you haven't consented to any of this. I'd consult with a mental heath professional and/or read up on something called "gay adolescence", perhaps in Dr. Alan Downs excellent book "The Velvet Rage." I found this video although there is surprisingly little online about "adult gay adolescence." I myself experienced a boy-crazy, self-centred, impulsive "gay adolescent" period not unlike what you've described in your post. Forced to act like a straight male in my teen years, once I'd admitted to myself and others that I was gay and, most importantly, once I'd had real-world sex with a man, for a time I acted like a 15-year-old gay teen, but in a 40+ body. 
 
9. He insists he is bisexual, not gay and wants to remain married and not break up our family. 

Dr. Alan Downs refers to this as "splitting." I call it "mentally straight yet sexually gay." Your husband still identifies as a straight husband and father because he's played this role his entire life. There is also the very strong possiblity that your husband was raised in a church or home environment that saw homosexuality as sexually perverted. As such, it's just too daunting to come out when the people around him see same-sex relationships so negatively. While he still claims an attraction to women, his sexual expression is almost exclusively gay. Separation/divorce also suck and there are many financial and child custody issues to consider as well. In my limited experience, closeted/questioning husbands often split their lives in their 40s or 50s: they act like the doting/loving husband/father at home; the marriage is sexless; and yet he's pride-float gay while on vacation with a new (male) love interest in Key West, NYC, or San Francisco.   

10. He says he has has done sexual acts but not had penetration but I think he is lying. 

I agree and can only assume he did more in front of you during your threeway. If you've read my previous posts, it's quite common for the closted/questioning husband to come out slowly, almost incrementally. And by incremental, it's like he's falling down the stairs of his heterosexuality while desperately clinging to every straight step and "bro" banister along the way. So what's my point? The gay-in-denial (GID) husband can't just accept he was born gay, is attracted to men, and is not attracted to women. To do so would mean ending his marriage while also risking the rejection of his wife, family, and community. So he watches gay porn but claims he's just "curious." He had gay sex in college but has to frame it as assault. Later, yes he explored swinging but only with his wife in the room. The final stage is to admit having gay sex but (still clinging to that straight banister) he doesn't kiss, perform oral sex on others, and there was never penetration. I re-frame these excuses as a more g-rated example. Your husband is doing the equivalent of saying he's been frequenting the same bakery for years "but only to sniff the cookies and buy water." I reckon he's been burying his face in the rainbow cake for years, most recently with his new travel "friend."  

11. I feel like I’m just in the way and getting fed bullshit constantly.  I asked him to move out today, I can’t take the secrecy, lies, and him having control any longer.

Understood. 
 
12. Is he gay in denial? 

Yes. If you need confirmation, call his boyfriend. 

13. Why does he insist on saying that he is bisexual?  I would think a bisexual person with a pass to explore would be seeking out both genders for sex.

Bisexuals can be monogamous, but with both male and female partners. We often mistake "bisexual" with "promiscuous" which is incorrect. Given the facts you've presented above, clearly your husband is having sex with this new boyfriend. If he's having sex with men without your consent and no longer has sex with you, then he is both a cheater...and perhaps more homosexual than bisexual. 

14. Should I seek the advice of an attorney?  We have not even discussed divorce yet.  I don’t know what next steps should be, but I do feel I am delaying the inevitable. 

Again I'm very sorry you've been put in this situation. If you have indeed decided to separate/divorce, yes I would suggest consulting with a qualified divorce attorney. Here are some other suggestions: 

- Find a mental health professional, preferably with LGBTQ experience or experience with gay/straight relationships, so you can share all of this with a qualified professional. A good resource may be the local LGBTQ centre in your city or state for referrals. 
- Know that couples counselling, while often inevitable, rarely helps with gay/straight marriages as the counsellor most often gets manipulated to side with the "long suffering" closeted spouse. Individual counselling is more effective in my opinion, particularly during periods of separation. 
- Create your own thread here so the kind members can help. 
- See this forum's "First Aid Kit"
- Share all of this with a trusted friend or family member, preferably someone who is removed from your marriage. 

These podcasts might be helpful: 

S4 Ep 3: A “Narcissist in Recovery” Gets Real - OurPath
S5 Ep 5: A Former Closeted Narcissist in Recovery Answers Your Questions - OurPath

I would also be prepared for another "honeymoon" phase during which your husband might beg to be taken back then act like the perfect straight husband/father. Few relationships just end abruptly. Most couples go through the discovery-conflict-reconciliation cycle 5-7x before separating, then finally divorcing. So I'd be prepared for what some describe as the "mindf*ck" or what I call his "pink merry-go-round."  If your husband claims an illness, hints at suicide, or breaks out some vague male abuse history, then I reckon you're in the final stage of this cycle before divorce. The above podcast interviews might be helpful. 

Please keep coming back my friend. You're not alone. Be well! 

Last edited by Sean01 (December 27, 2022 11:30 am)

Thank you for writing Shh0406 and happy holidays. This was your first message to me: 

My boyfriend 31 yrs old I'm 36 yrs old..of a year an a half does some very strange things.
1. Best friend whom he works with told me out of blue he's bisexual and likes to have anal sex with men.
2. He wants me to peg him "Dominate" him at least 3xs a week.
3. Won't touch my lady part but does like to give oral and doesn't have a problem getting hard.
4. Would never sleep at my house until i made a huge fuss about it and has started to spend the night after 7 months.
5. Let his best friend in #1 move in with him.
6. Went on a trip to NC to see his "best friend"invited me but didn't tell me when he was going until i couldn't request off work. Stayed in a hotel with guy from NC when they went to myrtle Beach for day n did couple outings such as went to beach, out to eat etc..
7. When he got home admitted to me he was molested and would never do that with a man. After i accused him of being romantically involved with #6
8. Is very secretive. My gut tells me something is very off but he's so manipulative and lies about most things.
9. Turned snap chat locator on his phone and was at multiple random houses when i was at work.
10. Catch him looking at and checking out men all the time.. but then it was women to mostly men.
11. Always avoids going to gym with me.
12. Grindr app said there was someone 8 feet away from me when i made an account and we were both home.
13. Another friend he would spend at least 3 to 5 hours with every thurs until i found out he texted him.."hey sexy. "
14. I've asked him if he's bi.. he denies it.. I've asked him if he's gay.  Denies and always says "I'm not betraying you. It's not what you think. I have never cheated on you." But snap chat shows different and so does his actions.. should i leave him? Please help so confused

I want to highlight points 7 and 8: 

7. When he got home admitted to me he was molested and would never do that with a man. After i accused him of being romantically involved with #6
8. Is very secretive. My gut tells me something is very off but he's so manipulative and lies about most things.

Now in response to your recent post: 

1. Sean, I don't understand and if u could please explain...If a little boy gets sexual molested and that's his first ever sexual experience.. which leads to erection... they think they like it or put that with sadism and becomes the only way they can get hard.. how is it not from sexual abuse?

I have no idea because I've never been molested nor abused and I'm not a mental health professional. But I am often asked this question so I contacted my friend and esteemed psychotherapist Dr. Joe Kort (bio here). He said point-blank that, no, sexual abuse does not determine a person's sexual orientation. I have interviewed out gay men who were sexually abused as minors and, in their words, they were gay boys who were abused. They didn't become gay due to sexual abuse by men.  

2. It opened their sexual arousal template and that's all they know..i really want to understand this?

When a questioning or closeted husband/partner claims "I was sexually abused..." there are two possibilities: 

Possibility 1: He's telling the truth. 
Possiblity 2: He's lying. 

In your first post you wrote, "He's so manipulative and lies about most things." so I think you have your answer. I have often received the statistic that 1 in 6 boys are molested/abused, which is about 16.7% of all male minors. If these numbers are correct, that means 83.3% of boys are not sexually abused. Strangely 100% of all cheating (with men) husbands/boyfriends claim, "I'm f*cking men because I'm a victim of sexual abuse."

My question for you is: does it really matter? If you define love and the foundations of any long-term relationship as honesty, sexual attraction, intimacy, good communication, and authenticity, then I reckon your boyfriend is failing miserably on all counts. (No one is posting here because they're in a happy and stable relationship my friend.) Regardless of whether his latest claims of sexual abuse are true or false, what's the best outcome? Either he's lying about it which means he's a borderline sociopath and even if he's telling the truth it's going to take him years, if not a lifetime, to overcome the trauma. Is this man really worth it? 

3. Another thing do u think homosexuality is a mental illness and why?

No, I do not think homosexuality is a mental illness nor does the American Psychiatric Association. However, I do believe I suffered from mental illness due to hiding and lying about my homosexuality. 

4. I wish this site had a search so you wouldn't have to answer same questions.. thank you. 

No worries. My questions for you are: 

- What exactly are you getting out of this toxic relationship? 
- Why continue dating such a troubled man?
- Do you now believe that working through these claims of childhood sexual trauma will somehow make him into an honest, communicative, and totally heterosexual prince charming? 
- Will this dishonest and manipulative man (your words) ever make you happy?

If you had parents who suffered from addictions, depression, or mental illness, you might want to explore co-dependency: www.coda.org; perhaps with a qualified therapist. Co-dependents often define love as saving others. They seek out relationships with broken or abusive people because they feel an overwhelming need to fix/heal others...often at the expense of their own happiness and well-being. Food for thought. Thank you for posting friend and I hope things improve in 2023 and beyond. Be well! 

Last edited by Sean01 (December 28, 2022 1:42 pm)

Thank you for writing Jewels. Here is a link to our first exchange. In reply to your post yesterday: 

1. Thank you for your prompt and thorough response.  It has taken me a few days to process everything you said in your reply and to listen to the podcast episodes that you recommended.  All were extremely helpful in giving me some insight into my situation. 

Excellent. And a Happy (belated) New Year. 

2. I thought I would try to answer your questions as best I can. Yes, both from a Christian background and upbringing but we have not attended church regularly during our long marriage.  It is safe to say that homophobia was very present in both of our conservative southern Christian homes growing up and homosexuality was seen as sexually perverted.  This could go a long way to explain [my situation].

Thank you for responding. Although I'm not a mental heath professional, I have found that closeted/questioning husbands raised in anti-gay Evangelical communities are often the most resistant to admitting, "I'm gay." As children or adolescents, many are subject to homophobic brainwashing so the word "gay" is simply too triggering. For some, the words "I'm gay" are sometimes as triggering as "I'm a leper" or "I'm a predator."  

3. Handsy = he was crotch/dick grabbing straight male friends, for example my sister’s husband and the husband of a close friend.  Also rubbing the chests of a men in conversation complimenting them on working out, etc.  I either witnessed these behaviors or was told about them. 

This is of course a red flag. Few wives would stay with husbands who acted this way with female friends, family and co-workers. Because it's assault. 

4. We were out of town at a bar with another couple who are swingers (the girl is a friend of mine).  My husband kissed the other guy on the mouth in public in the bar.  My friends husband (who I thought was straight) was a little taken back but allowed my husband to kiss him multiple times. 

Gay. 

5. Later in the hotel room, my husband jerked him off and gave him a blow job, also multiple times.  There were two beautiful women in the room who were wanted to have sex with him, myself included and he was unaware of our existence. 

Again, gay. 

6. He did eventually have sex with my girlfriend the following morning when she asked in a 3 way situation with the other guy.  He says this is evidence of his bisexuality but I am not an expert.

Nor am I but most straight husbands would jump at the chance to be with two women...and yet your husband was laser-focused on the other man. All red flags in my opinion.

7. I had my first make out session with a girl and he didn’t even notice.  He was totally unaware of what was going on in the room.  He almost had a crazed look in his eyes, like a drug addict who had their first hit of heroin and wants more.

This is likely because he was acting on his true sexuality, meaning homosexuality, with that other man. 

8. He says the kiss at the bar and later at the hotel was his first physical interaction with a man and I watched it happen.

As I've shared in previous posts, most straight wives who participate in swinging are often horrified to witness just how much their husbands enjoy sex with other men. 

9. In the beginning it was like a honeymoon period. We talked all the time and had frequent sex, although there was always a realistic dildo involved.  He was very insistent that all of our explorations be done together as a couple. The short answer is no my [sexual] needs are not being met.  The play we were having as a couple ceased, my husband told me I could explore on my own (because he wanted to do his own thing) and we completely stopped having sex.  The few attempts I made to be intimate failed.  No PIV [penis-in-vagina] sex for a while now.

Again this follows a common pattern: the gay-in-denial husband has his first real-world experience with another man; this experience effectively kills his ability to 'pretend' with women like his wife; the wife then simulates gay sex by pegging her husband with sex toys; and PIV sex eventually ends due to a myriad of bullsh*t excuses. 

10. Then 3 months ago he decided we could explore on our own and he has been seeing men exclusively.  He has completely checked out of our relationship. No I was not consulted, he has dictated every step of this journey along the way. There’s one man that he has been seeing locally regularly.  Last week he took off on a trip with a man he met on a gay dating app...His desires to explore with men and his erratic behavior only seem to be getting more intense.  Last week I asked him to move out, I could not handle the roller coaster ride on the mindfuck machine any more.

As I shared in our previous exchange, it sounds like he's now experiencing "gay adolescence"; this is a period of teen-like self-centredness and sexual exploration. As author/podcaster Dan Savage has often shared in his podcast "Savage Love", and I'm paraphrasing here, "No matter the age when a gay man comes out, once out we all revert to fourteen-year-olds emotionally." 

11. [Your answers] 9 & 10 Were spot on and I was shook after reading this because it helps to explain the psychology of what is happening and why he is saying he wants to stay married and be a family but none of what he is doing supports what he’s saying.  The denial is so entrenched, he still thinks that he can live the double life and go through the motions with me while he’s messaging 5 or 6 different men and seeing at least 3.  When I ask him what he is feeling to try to understand, he says some things are private and he can’t talk to me about it.  This is infuriating.

It's quite common for the newly out "gay adolescent" husband to act like a petulant teen. I certainly did. My (then) wife became like a mother to my surly teenager because she was essentially the only adult in our household as I blithely f*cked my way through most of the gay men in my area. My own gay adolescence lasted about two to three years. 

12. I have a screening call with a counselor tomorrow.  Again, your insight has saved me so much heartache and bewilderment.  I feel like I at least am on the road to understanding, and for now that’s something.

Good luck my friend. Counselling is an excellent idea so I hope it goes well. I also mentioned "The Velvet Rage" by author Dr. Alan Downs as a resource about the coming out process. Please keep coming back and sharing, either here or on your own thread. I reckon that for every straight spouse posting there are dozens learning from your journeys. Be well! 

Last edited by Sean01 (January 3, 2023 4:28 am)