The good thing is we've been emailing and texting for a month (no clue how/why that went on so long) ... So he knows about TGT and I know a lot about him.

Trying to keep my heart safe, but still have a life. After all the shit I've been through, I deserve some hope. But I do feel as vulnerable as a newborn baby.

And Rob, I am so sorry I made you sad. You'll ask one of those women out when you're ready. Or maybe they'll ask you. For me, this has all been online, which gives you a little safety net when you think you might be ready, but aren't sure and are feeling vulnerable.

And by the way, she is so trying to rile you up. Geez can't it be enough that they screwed our lives up already without acting manipulative and childish? My favorite was the email my lawyer got (and forwarded to me) from his lawyer that my ex had no clue I objected to putting the kids in summer camp when I was available to be with them. This was AFTER we fought for three days about it. Lie to your own lawyer, sleezebag. Sheesh.

I hope that for you, too, Rob. And in a lot of states alimony goes away if the recipient co-habitates or gets remarried. I don't know if you're paying alimony or just child support. Either way, you're right, it's totally unfair. I feel the same way about him getting to take my kids from me half the time. It's like, oh you raised them every day and did a damned good job of it? Well then let's take them from you for half their child lives and you can go back to work now. 

You're absolutely right. It was just so hard, even though I have ample evidence, to believe someone who seemed to have such integrity, such a gentle soul, could have turned out to be a complete liar. But he is. He never told me he had sex with men before we dated, he lied to me and told me we could move back to my home state before divorcing so I would have family support (he changed his mind when he met his gay love), he lied about money issues, and he lied about loving me. He built a construct of who he wanted to be and once he couldn't live with faking it anymore, that construct came crashing down. And he didn't care if he took me down with it. Then once my presence began to interfere with the life he'd always meant to live, I became the enemy. I overreacted by getting too upset, I wasn't a good:safe mother anymore, and I wasn't even a stable adult, according to him. I got angry and hurt his poor feelings by telling him what a jackass he was being. So he went for the jugular by telling me every day with me was a chore. Well guess what, i started researching and I kept coming across all these narratives where the husband came out as "bi" and then turned on the wife and told her the demise of the marriage was her fault. And that, along with my friend the counselor, really helped me see the bullshit and cowardice. But that's ok. He made a HUGE mistake picking a bitch on wheels like me to do this to. It's one thing to promise before God and 250 guests to love me until death and be lying through your teeth. It's another entirely to finally come clean and then emotionally abuse me on the way out the door. Guess what, dumbass? 17 years defines a long-term marriage in our state, so you should have done this three years ago. Now you owe me 25 to 35% of your giant gross income in child support and alimony. I cannot fucking wait to cash that check each month. And to see you turn your sports car (the one I picked out for you) in because you can't afford it anymore. And so mu

Thank you, Still Wondering. My friend who is a counselor (with a PhD) says while he might want to believe this is the reason he left, he's projecting onto me because he can't stand being the bad guy. What an asshole. I would have expected, "I'm sorry, I'm gay, how can I make this as easy as possible for you?" But I think when you can't even admit something for 25 years out loud there's no way you're going to start being straightforward out of the blue. But it's really sad. I deserved so much better.