I did talk to him about his distance last night. I commented that I felt he was different since the appointment with our last therapist and wondered if he didn’t know what he wanted. He said “I do know what I want”, which meant for us to work out. I shared with him that his bisexuality isn’t the issue but the lies and infidelity surrounding it. Also, that I needed to get to a place of full trust, healing and love before we could move forward with a threesome or any talk in that realm. I would love for him to get to a point where he can share with me fully his desires and not feel guilt or shame or the need to hide it from me. He seemed hopeful and peaceful during the conversation and explained he was in a mood because of his conversation with his sister (he is her main support person after her son passed away this past August from an accidental Gun shot wound...and her dog died yesterday).

So, I hadn’t realized your situation was similar to mine in that your husband was bisexual as well. Would you mind sharing with me a little bit about your experience with him? Did he tell you on his own or did you find out somehow? Does he go through periods of preference between men and woman as well? If so how do you work through that? I just feel like my husband is starving for an experience with a man and I’m wondering once that’s happened if there will be an intensity for more or if it will help reignite our passion etc... but I guess that’s not to be known till it happens. My fear of course is that his sexual pendulum may just stay swung towards men and how we work that out (I think I’d eventually part ways)...but who knows, could stay married at least till our son graduates school while sexually going our separate ways. Either way, I’ve decided we must heal our hearts first so we can be more amicable. If I don’t see him coming back to me emotionally, physically in any way...then I’m probably not going to do a threesome just to watch him have sex wi

Hi guys. So I did switch counselors. For the exact reason stated above about crying and being in pain just to be asked if I’d accept a Poly relationship. I’ve also decided we just need to take this much slower. I will not be jumping into bed with him and another guy UNLESS our own intimacy has truly returned and we are at a complete place of healing. The counselor I’ve chosen focuses on trauma healing to people like us who have been shocked by a spouses secret sexual life. She also specializes in sex addiction. I made it clear to her that my husband is Bisexual so the situation is tricky. I do think she’ll be able to explain to him the un-healthiness of his actions for himself and our relationship. I’m not going to lie. I’m petrified that the truth is just that his sexual orientation has changed from Bisexual to gay, or is beginning to but I’ve decided no matter what we need more time. I’ve been in such an unhealthy mental space, I cannot even deal with life right now. I slept 1 full night in a month and a half. I think my heart is slowly catching up to what my mind already knows but in order to save my soul I just need us to slow down. I’m pretty sure I’ll know by this summer which way this is headed. Those of you who have advised to take it slow know what you’re talking about! This is 21 years of love and we always thought we’d get through anything because we were meant to be. It’s just so sad. His sexual identity just may be changing and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it

Hi all. For anyone who’s been following my situation, I just wanted to offer an update. It’s been a whirlwind and we aren’t sure we like our couples counselor but we are making headway. Two biggest issues at hand. Looking at whether my husband is Bisexual or Gay (he still is adamant about being bisexual and having a pendulum but having unmet needs) and whether monogamy is for him (our counselor is pushing us to consider pologamy which neither of us want, we are waiting to see if she changes her tune). So counselor felt a bit off/pushy in the wrong direction for us but the session did lead us to having deeper more honest conversations. Things are looking up in that my husband and I are on the same exact page currently. He has given me full access to his phone, installed life 360, is going to the Dr for ED issues, making counseling appointments for us and talking very VERY openly about EVERYTHING. We have turned our focus towards seeing if certain things in the bedroom will help him quench his thirst but I have also told him I am open to a threesome. Before you freak out, please know that I AM truly and honestly open to a threesome and actually am feeling very sexually empowered right now with our new found intimacy (and I’m talking about it on all levels... The most important being emotional).

I’ve told my husband that if at any point he feels that his desire to be with a man is stronger than being able to handle it in these ways to please be open. I’m mainly looking to see if he’s wanting a love/emotional connection or just sex. Sex we can handle with a threesome, and just being more open and honest. If he’s looking for a complete side relationship (pologamy)...I’m out. We may decide to live with eachother and have separate partners for a short time but that is not sustainable to me for the long run.

The good news is I think I’m through the hardest part. I/we actually know how we want to move forward. Currently it’s with hope that we can fig

Hi again. My husband did recently start taking a stronger interest in his body over the past year, on and off with an increase towards the end of November/December which coincides with the timing of him seriously contemplating meeting up in real life with men he met via Facebook. Which reminds me of another question I had. He says that he would find these guys based on their reactions to underwear ads...message them and eventually they would move to Snapchat. He said he was invited to private Facebook pages where they would basically share fantasies. Do you know of these groups? Manscape is something that pops up on his feed and one night I discovered there was a secret group called Manscape ballers. I tried to join but haven’t been accepted, just curious if this is one of those groups. I now have full access to his phone and can see he is no longer apart of any of these groups or friends with any of these guys on any social media platform. I still firmly believe that my husband has truly been bisexual based on our history but yes, trying to figure out if he’s now gone too far down that path and will not be able to come back. I understand your approach to honesty and it helps keep my eyes open but after being together for 21 years, this process deserves time. I’m already in the grieving process of what  we had. I literally go through just about every step, every day...anger, denial, bargaining, acceptance, depression and whatever else...shock and mania happen with each new hurtful truth.

Also, I really haven’t pushed for the STD tests like everyone suggests. I will revisit that idea again but since I haven’t pushed it’s unfair to say he is refusing. I do believe he would get one if I asked. We haven’t found a free clinic so it’s going to cost over $100 and I think we both don’t love that idea. Yes, no penis to vagina since 2017 but he did want to the night we experimented. Also, he is not blaming me for his ED but stating that he was insecure to t

Hi Sean!! Quick question. When you were younger, did you ever label yourself as bisexual or have true desires for women sexually? My husband seems to have a pendulum and we are planning to explore that to see where he’s at, if it will come back this way again etc... he has some attraction to women still. I’ve seen his search history and know this (Victoria Secret models, sexiest underwear, Jessica Biel butt etc). We have also been intimate recently and he actually told me I was going too far with role playing and that he wanted to enjoy my lady parts, that it’s not one or the other but ALL of it (meaning everything about both genders). So I do believe in bisexuality and the ebb and flow of it but am also curious if bisexuality can completely morph one way or another over time.

So I’m curious about your personal experience here. I know your blunt so I’ll take it with a grain of salt if you label him one way or the other 😝, but have at it.

Thank you,
Epiphany