Thanks for that Tangled. I’m interested to see how my husband reacts to a new therapist tomorrow who deals with infidelity, trauma, affection anorexia empathy etc...
The last therapist suggested Poly right off the bat and I was a bit disturbed at his excitement over that idea. I think he’s itching for a sexual experience with a man and I caught him before it happened. I’m hoping this new counselor can explain that it’s the infidelity/lying that are the problem, not the bisexuality. I can feel the emotional distance and resentment from across the room right now. Wondering if anything will change after tomorrow.

- Epiphany

I did talk to him about his distance last night. I commented that I felt he was different since the appointment with our last therapist and wondered if he didn’t know what he wanted. He said “I do know what I want”, which meant for us to work out. I shared with him that his bisexuality isn’t the issue but the lies and infidelity surrounding it. Also, that I needed to get to a place of full trust, healing and love before we could move forward with a threesome or any talk in that realm. I would love for him to get to a point where he can share with me fully his desires and not feel guilt or shame or the need to hide it from me. He seemed hopeful and peaceful during the conversation and explained he was in a mood because of his conversation with his sister (he is her main support person after her son passed away this past August from an accidental Gun shot wound...and her dog died yesterday).

So, I hadn’t realized your situation was similar to mine in that your husband was bisexual as well. Would you mind sharing with me a little bit about your experience with him? Did he tell you on his own or did you find out somehow? Does he go through periods of preference between men and woman as well? If so how do you work through that? I just feel like my husband is starving for an experience with a man and I’m wondering once that’s happened if there will be an intensity for more or if it will help reignite our passion etc... but I guess that’s not to be known till it happens. My fear of course is that his sexual pendulum may just stay swung towards men and how we work that out (I think I’d eventually part ways)...but who knows, could stay married at least till our son graduates school while sexually going our separate ways. Either way, I’ve decided we must heal our hearts first so we can be more amicable. If I don’t see him coming back to me emotionally, physically in any way...then I’m probably not going to do a threesome just to watch him have sex with a man. Time will tell. Just thought I’d ask for any personal insight you have in your own MOM.

- Epiphany

Thank you, Tangled.

TangledOil wrote:

Please, do yourself a huge favor and find a therapist that will help you gain the tools to navigate your own personal, individual relationship, either as an individual or a couple. Don’t let any therapist try to tell you how to manage your life and relationship. I’m so frustrated (if you can’t tell) by therapists and others needing to interject their biased opinions (because honestly that’s all they are). 
 

Do you have any suggestions on how to find a better fit therapist, outside of guess and check?

If we're simply looking for what we deem unbiased and valid, then is this more about attitude alignment than anything else?

Thank you.

Thank you, Tangled.

Hi I am following this thread because I believe my partner is Bi as well. I am in early stages with this so I don't have much to add, only questions. Epiphany spoke about getting back to full trust. Has anyone accomplished this? How do you go about it? How can you trust someone who has lied repeatedly about the very issue you need to trust them on?