I also agree that any 12 step program will help build self confidence and awareness. Build your team around you, get a good counselor, acupuncturist, nutritionist, lawyer, accountant or whoever will help you stay on the positive path to recovery. 

Betrayal...it's difficult to deal with and get on with life. My GIDXH still hasn't told his immediate family about the reason we split 3 yrs ago. I keep waiting for him to disclose and be real, but he is now back further in the closet than when he told me about his 17-25 yr relationship with a gay friend of ours. My entire 29 yr marriage was a sham, scam, farce. All the memories gone. My adult children know the truth and even though they are 'open' minded, they do not want to disclose the reason for our divorce to their friends. It is still a stigma. I have said that Pride parades make the public feel that our society is changing and more accepting, but in reality...we have a long way to go. Although this is my story now, a Str8 spouse of a bi\gay man, I so want to get beyond that label and get on with living. At 60 time is ticking away! I believe that I have to write my own story and not let the GIDXH be in control of my life now. 

Hi Ambre, I was married for 29 years to a gay/bi man.(I didn't know) I have been divorced almost 3 years now. He didn't tell me the truth about his life until I forced him into counseling. For many years, while he was in his long term affair with a gay friend of ours, he would belittle me and try to constantly turn the arguments into it all being my fault. It was his way of deflecting the blame and avoiding telling me the truth. Most of the fights were about money and his lack of business knowledge. Also around anything to do with supporting the 3 children. He resented having to pay for college etc. He also kept me around because I had a stable good paying job and could get financing for his small business. whenever we would fight, he would always draw me back in with 'I still love you.' It appears that's all I needed to hear. We almost broke up (probably every 5 years or so) and he would come crying back begging me to try again. I stayed because I wanted to keep my family together. At the time, I still had a child in high school and two in university. My point is, if I had known the truth I never would have stayed and put myself through the agony of going further into debt supporting a person who was using me as his cover and bank at the same time. I got a good accountant who helped me sort through a losing business (he told me to run and get my name off everything), I found an investment adviser who helped me with a retirement plan, I hired a great lawyer who listened to me and understood what I needed to do quickly. (I had a separation agreement in 3 mths). I found a fantastic counselor who also happened to be gay. He was able to offer me insight into the gay lifestyle and relationship patterns. He had counseled many men coming out of the closet and many Str8 (mostly women) who were faced with the exact situation as mine. These professionals can help you with a plan to go out on your own. It may take some time to find these people but it is worth it. Good luck on

Rob; As soon as I knew the truth about my GIDXH (when he finally confessed about his long term affair with a gay man), I started to sleep better. All of the anxiety I felt around his lies and the years I spent trying to find out the truth, was gone. I felt relief and freedom. I had been unloved for so many years. There of course was new anxiety as I dealt with the divorce, job change etc. But at least I had some control (if we ever do) about my feelings and my decisions. They were mine to own now. I was no longer dealing with a 'raging gay' (your term). I was blamed for everything, made to feel inadequate, disregarded, cheated on, had no physical touching, no empathy etc etc. for so many years. I'm now free. I could not be more grateful for that gift. He finally let me go!!
Some of the things I do in my aloneness that have helped: yoga daily, swimming, long walks, reading (even if I had to force myself), short adventures around the city, (even if it's to buy gluten free bread), planned trips with good friends, skype with my children, writing (I have written many short stories about my experience). It does help to keep a diary or write it down in letter form. Oh and netflix. If it wasn't for netflix I would not have made it the last two years. Tip: avoid couples parties. I am the plague. The wives are afraid I'll steal their husbands and the husbands are afraid they will catch 'gayness'. No one knows what to say to you and most avoid eye contact and conversation. Also, when I am at a low point in loneliness, something usually happens the next morning to shake me out of it. One day at a time. One step at a time. Hold on and enjoy the roller-coaster because the feelings are real and intense and will get you through the highs and lows. 

I just read both articles. Kristin's truth is exactly my experience. My adult children also feel that their whole life was a sham. They all are confused and have left relationships because they doubt their ability to ever be a parent or in a committed relationship. They all say they will never get married. They are angry and getting no truth from their GIDdad. The damage that homophobia has done to families is extreme and the Straight spouse voice is rarely heard. 
I just read the book 'My husband is Gay' by Carol Grever. Some of the stats are outdated but her story is worth reading. Although we think we have come a long way with Gay Pride parades, people's attitudes haven't changed much over the past 20 years.