Post-holiday update.

We aren't big on Xmas celebrations, but we have been hosting a Xmas breakfast for years. We are vegans and guests are often skeptical about our dinner food, but everyone looooves our breakfasts and desserts! Easy - less stress for me. We have all the kids, my husband's ex-wife, my ex-partner and his partner over, sometimes a few friends or whatever relatives are visiting that year. It feels like an extended family unit coming together. Gifts are not expected, but sometimes exchanged. 

Two days after Xmas we had our own special anniversary - the D-day (aka one year post-disclosure). It's crazy to think how much we have been through in the last 12 months - both individually and together. I gave him a protein shaker that says, "You sure shook things up". I thought it was important to express my appreciation for changing the course of our lives (or maybe it was just a turbulent detour). The last 12 months felt very painful at times, but now I can't wait to see where the rest of the journey will take us.

The rest of the holidays were filled with beach walks, wine, a few friends, jigsaw puzzles, and lots of hefty DIY projects. We neglected our house during last year's break (as we were too preoccupied with this whole 'my husband likes boys' story) and we gave it a lot of attention this year. Boy, I love clearing sh*t out!
I look forward to 2025 with excitement. Please don't hate me for this - I know that many struggle during this time, last year was really dark for me, too.

My goals are not to lose sight of my partnership (as I have done before), give more attention to our youngest (the last one left at home), and start planning my exit from work. I run a company, so "exiting" will be a slow and painful process, but I feel like I can survive any slow and painful process now - just need to keep my eyes on the prize!

I also want to go for a year without alcohol. I don't drink much but last year a glass of wine in the evenings started to beco

Hi Pearl,

I'm sorry to find you here. I am now 1 year post-disclosure with my bi husband. Trust me, things do get better and can get awesome.

First thing first, (in your opinion) did you have a good marriage pre-disclosure? Did you feel like your husband is attracted to you? If the answers are "yes", then read on.

Please read my thread, I have been through the journey you are going through now:
https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic_mobile.php?id=3596

You may need a different forum. There are very few positive mixed-orientation marriages examples here. Try these Facebook groups:

https://m.facebook.com/groups/mixedorientationrelationships/

https://m.facebook.com/groups/morandmorecommunity/

Additionally, listen to this most recent podcast from OurPath, it talks about the experience of a bisexual spouse coming out, the rollercoaster, not feeling enough and reconciling all these feelings:
https://youtu.be/SRUYC3sJFqY?si=naQVGFB9JoKznY22

Don't hesitate to reach out directly if you have any questions! Both my husband and I are very happy to offer support to people in similar situations.

Last piece of advice, don't judge your future life by what is happening in your bedroom, your emotional state or his attractions right now. All of this will fluctuate as he is discovering himself! My husband also got into toys at first, now they are gathering dust somewhere in a drawer, we might use them once every few months. He was also "gay leaning" at some stage and now he really isn't anymore. So, basically, sit tight if you can, and let it all unfold.

Hi afraidwife,

I am so so sorry to find you here.

Before Sean and the crew jump in to say that your husband is gay and you need to divorce him - because I don't see this conversation going any other way - I strongly urge you to investigate the issue of child sexual abuse further!

This cannot be downplayed. If abuse occurred—especially involving an adult—it can deeply traumatize the victim, affecting their mental health and relationship with sex. While abuse does not determine sexual orientation, it can disrupt how someone relates to their sexuality. For example, a gay person might suppress their orientation due to distrust of men if the perpetrator was male, or a straight person might display "gay" behaviors linked to reenacting the trauma. Abuse doesn’t orient, but it can disorient, with lasting consequences.

I am happily married to a bi guy, who also experienced sexual abuse as pre-teen (involving an adult). If you think it might be helpful for you or your husband to reach out and have a conversation with either me or my husband - please don't hesitate to DM me.

Stay strong! You got this!

Post-nup should be in the "first aid kit!" It should replace point 3C, which tells people to stop having sex with their partners. That one is completely unnecessary, unless you suspect your partner has unprotected sex with other people (many don't).

I'm all for promoting MoR (as you might notice), but I believe it's a great idea to ask for a post-nup post-disclosure! If you feel you are putting your mental health at risk, ask for more as "danger pay"! PARTICULARLY, if your spouse insists on staying closeted - you will have the advantage in negotiations. Personally, however, I would never be able to stay with a closeted person. Him coming out was one of the conditions of us staying together.

Hi Team,

Here's our monthly update. We are only a couple of weeks away from our disclosure anniversary! We are not an anniversary-celebrating kind of people, but I feel like this is an important milestone. I very much welcome any snarky/funny gift ideas!..

Disclosure was an unusual event and an unusual year then followed. 

Currently, we hardly have any upsetting or emotional moments, the rollercoaster is definitely slowing down. It's summer where we live and life is generally much better in summer. Beach, wine, and catching up with friends. The biggest fight we had last month was about our poor dead cat's ashes. My husband (is a total moron) wants to keep them in the house. Seriously, forget the gay porn, THAT is perverse! Is there a forum where I can go rant about that???

In the last year, we have both worked on strengthening friendships outside of our relationship - both as a couple and individually. I think it has been very good for us. We have always thought of ourselves as happily isolated unit (COVID lockdown was a bliss!), we get a lot of social interactions at work and then spend a lot of energy with kids, so socialising with friends had never been at the top of our priorities. We are intentionally changing it this year. For me it was important to gain more independence from him and strengthen my own networks, for him it was an important step in reconciling his past and present identities. Conclusion - friendships are just like relationships - they need investment and effort but can be quite fun! 

He is still in therapy for his trauma and sexuality. I started psychodynamic therapy to work on my trust, hyper-independence, overfunctioning and to ensure co-dependency tendencies I had in the past relationships don't resurface (yes you can be hyper-independent and codependent at the same time!). I'm sure I'll dig out more issues as I go along. I parted ways with my cognitive behavioural therapist that I have been seeing on-and-off for years - I didn't thin