I’m a STR8 F spouse married to my husband, who recently came out as bisexual. We met in college, married for almost 18 years, and have a few kids. This year has been an absolutely gut-wrenching year for me. I am looking for support as I rebuild, try to recover from my trauma, heal myself, and work together with my husband to save our marriage (I hope truly that we can, but I feel so lost, disoriented, and alone as I try to get through each day.)

Here’s my story:

This past year, I discovered that my husband was on an adultery website for discreet affairs – he says nothing physical happened. Still, he was seeking sex outside of our marriage with a female and was caught sending compromising pictures to this person. After this, there was a lot of denying that he would ever be able to go through with cheating on me, that he has NEVER cheated on me, that I’m “his person,” that he was feeling unloved and felt like he wasn’t a priority (little sex), so he was trying to feel desired, play around and see what was out there, etc.

I was beyond devastated because I had always trusted him. I told him he needed to get an STD test immediately and go to a therapist to come to terms with WHY he did what he did, and then once he was in counseling for a bit, we would go to marriage counseling together.

He got the STD test immediately (although he questioned why I was asking for this if he hadn’t done anything.) He agreed to go to therapy for himself but dragged his feet for over a month to get into counseling and even longer to address with his therapist WHY he was there in the first place.

So, a month or two into his individual therapy, he tells me that he is bisexual - that he had had some experiences with men only before he met me (which he never disclosed to me before or during our marriage up to this point.) He also indicated that he had experienced childhood sexual abuse from an older boy in the neighborhood when he was growing up that had never been addresse