Hello - I wonder if anyone can help me?

My husband came out as trans just over 2 years ago and we separated immediately after 30 years of marriage. I have been at rock bottom but now feel I want to move forward with my life and file for divorce. I want him out of my life completely.
Two weeks ago he changed his name and title to 'Ms' on our 3 joint bank accounts but has kept his initials the same.The bank and my husband refuse to tell me his new name. So, I'm now in a position where I am unable to complete his name on the divorce application as it requires you to give new names by deed poll which is how he changed his name on our bank accounts. What should I do here?
It feels insane that I am able to share a joint bank account with someone but I don't know their name. I feel he's trying to hold me in a place and play silly games as his friends and my adult sons probably know but the person he's been married to and raised children with doesn't. I'm not going to ask my sons as I don't want to draw them in to any dispute. They've had enough to deal with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

OOHC - Thank you for sharing such an honest post. Not many people have that courage and by posting you are helping people feel less alone and vulnerable. Huge respect.

Hello all, 
Reading everyone's stories, I realise there are other people who are experiencing the same or very similar feelings. This is so comforting to me because I have felt so isolated during this year and occasionally let feelings of self doubt creep in. I don't feel strong at all and long for the day I feel stable enough to function in everyday situations and social gatherings. I say to myself I won't pretend but feel I am pretending most of the time just trying to make it through and for other people's benefit - so they feel better about the situation. I'm not going to do that in 2023.
My sister, who lives abroad, has tried her best but really doesn't have the emotional capacity to offer the support I need and in fact has often caused me more stress and anxiety - see the postings above about my nephew's wedding. I have found that when I attempt to talk to certain friends and family members I very quickly wish I hadn't. Does that sound familiar to anyone? I have very quickly established the 'safe' relationships in my life but have also felt very alone.

I have one very close friend who has been unbelievable through all this. At times, I have felt so low that I haven't wanted to carry on - it would just be easier for everyone, especially my sons, but my friend has kept me going...even when I didn't want to.
I hope everyone on here has someone like that in their life, it's a rare thing.

On the 4th Jan it will be a year since he dropped the trans bomb. I remember it well. I had spent the previous 4 days in bed with a bad dose of Covid and the first day I came out of isolation and transferred to the sofa, still extremely weak, he dropped it. He was euphoric.
'It will bring us closer together',
'I need you to help with my style, make up etc',
'I will take hormones and then eventually have surgery',
'I knew when I was 5, and a teenager and told a friend at 19 years old' were amongst some of the things he said.

I met him when he was 24 and we've been married for 3

Looking for any advice/support/help. I'm 11 months on now from the announcement that he is transgender and although we live separately and have no contact still get very upset and experience very dark days. 

Firstly, I have a meltdown whenever I encounter a mature trans woman. Yesterday I had to engage with a 50ish trans woman at work and just couldn't do it and had to call in someone to take my place as I was in bits. I thought with the help of therapy I was progressing well but realized that the upset and trauma is still there and I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I still have feelings of betrayal, deceit, injustice and feelings of loss for a male partner who I truly believed to be male. Does anyone else experience this?
Secondly, my sister's son (my nephew) wants to invite my STBX to his wedding next year which I find deeply upsetting. Neither my sister nor my nephew think there is anything unusual about this as 'they like him' even when I have pointed out he is no longer part of this family so why is he being treated as such? I feel my feelings are not being considered at all so their compromise is to send him an e-vite to a live streaming of the ceremony. I find this really creepy because my STBX will be looking for me through the camera. If this happens I don't want to go.
Any advice as to how to handle this? My sister knows how difficult I have found this last year with days where I have not wanted to carry on and yet I am having to fight my corner and explain how an invite to my STBX, who has hidden a secret throughout our marriage is not appropriate.

Thank you OutofHisCloset for your last post. I have found your insights and replies to me and to other posts on this forum to be helpful and I have taken some of your advice on board.
I had thought I had turned a corner, however yesterday I felt I was right back in January when my STBX revealed he was transgender. I was in a cafe with a group of friends when the Pride March participants started assembling right outside ready to commence their walk through the town. Flags, banners, whistles, cheering, a euphoric mood... the lot, right in my face. I had no idea the March was taking place and I really thought I could handle it but I ended up a complete mess and it took me about an hour to recover - it's still left me a bit shaken and knocked my confidence. I feel half the person I was and feel broken. Broken by the deception of 36 years of being with him and not knowing.

Seeing the LGBT group yesterday celebrating 'who they really are' I thought of all the people in the background, all the invisible people they have hurt along the way so they can be their 'true selves'. Of course, this wouldn't be the case for a lot of them and I have no problem with that but I do have a problem if, as I have experienced, they have hidden behind a marriage/relationship for years knowing about their feelings.
Where is our voice in this? People are so nervous about saying something seen as politically incorrect or speaking out for fear of being transphobic, that they can't even answer 'What is a woman?'. Really??? Has the world gone completely crazy?........and no, I do not believe a woman can have a penis. A transwoman yes, but not a woman.