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March 8, 2024 6:38 am  #1

Husband's new name

Hello - I wonder if anyone can help me?

My husband came out as trans just over 2 years ago and we separated immediately after 30 years of marriage. I have been at rock bottom but now feel I want to move forward with my life and file for divorce. I want him out of my life completely.
Two weeks ago he changed his name and title to 'Ms' on our 3 joint bank accounts but has kept his initials the same.The bank and my husband refuse to tell me his new name. So, I'm now in a position where I am unable to complete his name on the divorce application as it requires you to give new names by deed poll which is how he changed his name on our bank accounts. What should I do here?
It feels insane that I am able to share a joint bank account with someone but I don't know their name. I feel he's trying to hold me in a place and play silly games as his friends and my adult sons probably know but the person he's been married to and raised children with doesn't. I'm not going to ask my sons as I don't want to draw them in to any dispute. They've had enough to deal with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?



March 8, 2024 8:16 am  #2

Re: Husband's new name


Really sorry...this is one of the most psychologically cruel thing I've heard of ..my GX would envious of him.  So he thinks its ok for you to be married to someone who's name you don't know..  He has definitely moved on  in the 2 years and has shown what he thinks about you.

I would make sure you have your own bank account.   The joint account ties you to him and simply a last marital thing to be divided (by bank account number).   He may as well put the name Daffy Duck on the it..

Second, any lawyer worth their fee would not be deterred by your husbands secret name.   Definitely file and  move on with your life and leave him with his secrets.  

Wishing you strength and peace in your new life  free from secrets.

Last edited by Rob (March 8, 2024 8:18 am)

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

March 8, 2024 11:08 am  #3

Re: Husband's new name

Hello Nadine,

What a slimy character this stbx is!

Deed poll means to me you are in the UK. It's a public record but can take some digging to retrieve.

I found information at this link. 3.4 looks like it covers what you need. They may have a contact number in case you need the new name to look at the record. (!!)  If so, perhaps have them search by former name, location and/or a date range of the name change.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

March 8, 2024 4:17 pm  #4

Re: Husband's new name

Thank you Rob and MJM017 - I will look into those links. I already have my own bank accounts but unfortunately, the mortgage and bills still come out of a joint account.

I am seeking legal advice but my lawyer hasn't come across this before. The legal system needs to catch up with these crazy scenarios that I find myself in. He can change his name and gender (F) on our joint bank accounts, mortgage, driving licence, passport but his original name and gender (M) stays the same on our marriage certificate, deeds to our house and birth certificate until he obtains a gender recognition certificate in 2 years time. But I don't know what his new name is as he refuses to tell me. How can that be right? 

He's still trying to control me as he did when we were together.. I will push forward to get him out of my life.

     Thread Starter

March 8, 2024 5:19 pm  #5

Re: Husband's new name

Please look up the spousal consent law in Britain.  https://womansplaceuk.org/2019/09/21/spousal-consent-and-the-liberal-democrats/


March 9, 2024 5:37 pm  #6

Re: Husband's new name

Am glad OOHC brought up this law.  Here are testimonies women with transitioning husbands gave to the UK Parliament about the importance of this due to coercive control to force wives to remain in the marriage.

My ex was not transitioning but I lived through his coercive control (domestic violence) to remain in the marriage. I was coerced to support him financially while he basically did what he wanted 24/7. Again, we lived in a gay friendly area and his parents were liberal.

I can say it because my ex is dead. It's intimidating if not impossible to say something if the GID is still alive.


Last edited by MJM017 (March 9, 2024 5:41 pm)

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

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