Yes - this is my ex-GID husband. He has never claimed to be gay, but he despised the word "DOWN LOW," but I was blind for YEARS. After all, he was really a "down low" guy! He spends ALL of his free time with gay men. He lost his marriage because of his "friendship" with gay men. He has still not come out of the closet due to religious reasons but he has admitted to me that he's bi-sexual. He wanted us to stay married and "let" me have a boyfriend. I had to decide to let go of trying to make him confess that he is really gay. I believe he will never come out of the closet. It's a sad way to live! Live your truth, and don't hurt anyone in the process! I'm glad I GOT OUT with the help of this group and Ryan! I am now in a happy and healthy relationship with a heterosexual man, and I was TRULY missing out!

ShayLynn wrote:

Hey everyone, are there any good books out there for Straight spouses with a spouse in denial?

Any good threads on ways to approach ones partner to discuss this? Dos and Donts when handling the topic, but mostly hearing more of those who had a good outcome of a conversation? Got clarity from their partner as a result?

Thank you if anyone can be of help! 

So many times we tiptoe around the subject of 'our unmet needs' in fear of not hurting GID partners. You are worthy of good love. Good luck! 

Hi guys! I am ready to make my next transition into closing this chapter. My ex-GID husband and I co-parent in the same household. We have been roommates for 4 years but legally divorced since May. I am ready for him to leave the house, BUT it means that I will have to buy him out (in my Marital Settlement agreement). I thought I could do this for at least 3  more years, but I am over it! The legal term for co-parenting in the same home is Nesting (parents seldom would rotate out). I have an appointment with my local Family law resources to determine the legal changes. I have also started to look into options to buy him out so my kids and I can remain in the house. I fear how my children will feel, but I know they will be ok. It will be an adjustment, but not a huge one (he travels 60% of the year). I feel like I am letting them down. They love having their Father in the home. However, I realized that my arrangement was still too much of a mental and emotional burden on me. I don’t want to see him daily and be reminded of his betrayal. He still hangs out and travels with his gay friends. I am ready for our ONLY interaction to be kid-related.

The bright side of nesting is it gave me time to create a financial plan to keep my house and provide a stable environment for my children. Please send positive thoughts my way as I embark on really closing this chapter.

I agree with the others. Your husband is most likely gay-in-denial based on his behaviors. However, the biggest question is whether you want to live this way. What do you want to teach your children about love and marriage? Is this type of emotional intimacy enough for you?

Also, my ex-GIDH blamed me for years (it was ALWAYS something -past or present). I spent years trying to fix myself to realize they were excuses because he wasn't attracted to me. He preferred men, and when the RIGHT guy entered into his life under the “friends” umbrella, our sex life really dried up. Ryan calls it the phase when he can no longer fake it! The patterns and behaviors are the same. Please listen to your gut and intuition!

Blackie - that's great news! I NOW understand how I would have chosen differently if I had a relationship with my Father. I now realize that I would have not chosen my GID Ex if  I experience loved from my Father. I commend you for being a good Father! 

On a brighter note, I'm with a  respectable man that have set the standards high! I I now understand and feel how a woman should be treated! I'm grateful that I get to experience reciprocity in this lifetime!