DD - this is when self-preservation needs to be considered. Your partner is telling you exactly what he plans and wants to do. To his defense, he is being truthful and now is the time to accept or reject how his decisions impact your life moving forward. You have already given 10 years of your life. Do you want to spend another 10 years in this state? How do you want to live for the next 10 years?

Yes, you will need to rebuild, but don't allow fear and the unknown to paralyze you. I can't go back and change time. Truthfully, my GID Ex is not a bad person. We have three beautiful children and he's a good dad. But I now understand that I deserve to be loved! You also deserve good love. Figure out if he is capable of giving you good and healthy love.

Blackie - I am counting down the days to the official divorce. Co-parenting adds another layer of difficulty. My GID Ex withholds information when it comes to my children. I plan to review my marriage settlement agreement within the next week to remind him of his legal responsibilities with the kids. I will also have my lawyer remind him if he doesn't agree to be more communicative. He’s definitely ‘salty’ and reality has set in that we are over in 24 days!

Guys - I'm one step closer to my divorce! I returned all the paperwork on Friday, and our 15-minute virtual court date is May 8th. It's an absolute divorce (Marital Settlement Agreement completed last May). I recall going to the courthouse on March 1st with mixed feelings (sorrowful). No one gets married to be here (especially not under these circumstances). However, I left the courthouse on Friday with relief. I'm bringing closure, and a new chapter will start. I had the biggest smile on my face leaving the courthouse! 
 

I agree with Daryl - Forgiveness is something you offer to yourself. Reconciliation takes two people willing to admit wrongdoing and put in the work to make it right. I have forgiven myself and chose to move on. I also learned I don't have to walk around angry at my GID-EX. I wanted him to confess and ask for forgiveness for destroying our marriage, but he's not capable. I realize that since he's not capable and responsible, it's my responsibility to restrict personal and emotional access. That's within my control. It's also in my control to become a healthy version of myself for my children. This is what I choose to focus on as I wait for my GID-EX to sign the divorce papers so we can move to closure! He's stalling but has 30 days :-). 

Sebastian - Take a moment to think about what you want. You should check out the MOM section. Many start the path of an open r'ship, but it does not work. Based on my reading, MOM r'ships work if it stays monogamous with trust. I also tried to have a MOM r'ship but slowly started to see the disrespect from my GID Ex. The common denominator is the one who wants to explore gets greedy and consumed by their needs. They will slowly push your needs away in the name of "discovering who they are and what they want." 

We have three kids, and I understand it's more complicated when they are younger. Write down the boundaries you need HER to follow to protect your heart and feelings. Write down your non-negotiables. She doesn't get to forsake her vows and you because of her 'newfound' identity (but I'm sure you have seen signs before she's verbally admitted it). I would give you the same advice if you were my friend and told me you want to explore outside your marriage.