Hey guys: Piper checking in. I left my husband and moved into my own condo over a year ago.
I'm still questioning whether or not my estranged husband is gay. 
Here are some things that bothered me when we were together:
1. He had to drink liquor and watch porn to have sex with me. Just to get in the mood. It was hetero porn, but my gut tells me he was checking out the men. He once said he hated hardcore porn because of the up close shots of vaginas.
2. He checks out men's bodies on TV. But women's too.
3. He has two gay buddies.
4. I heard a rumor years ago his first wife caught him in bed with a man. She denied it when I asked her.
5. Never opens eyes during sex. Sex had dwindled to every few weeks.
6. Has poop stains in his underwear.
7. Never wanted anal and will perform oral if drunk.
8. Never found sex toys or prepH
9. He is gone sometimes and out of reach during the day.
10. He loves cycling, musicals, but also is into sports.
11. My gut screamed that he was gay. I have and had no proof.
I'd love your thoughts as I question having left him a year ago. 

I haven't posted in a while. After separating a year or so ago, I thought my GID ex would come out. He still maintains he is straight and that if he were gay, he'd be proud of it.
To recap, here are the signs I did find/feel:
1. No passion during sex and his eyes closed from the minute I disrobed. I am fit and attractive, but he didn't open his eyes during foreplay or intercourse.
2. Lack of passion during sex. Very distant afterward,
3. Doesn't initiate and if he does, it seems as if he's doing me a favor....like cleaning the kitchen floor or something.
4. MY gut always screamed at me that he was gay. I was married for 17 years to a man before him, who was extremely visual and into me sexually and with what I thought was a healthy and normal hetero passion
5. He's from a small town and has a high profile job. His best friend is gay. But that friend has a partner.
6. He is obsessed with the gym and cycling. Loves sports and athletic prowess. Hates fat on men and women.
7. Loves sappy Romantic comedies and all the Hallmark Christmas movies. Loves voice shows and musicals. Saw Rent on Broadway and is a great fan of Jesus Christ Superstar. Loved the show Glee.
8. Never ever looks at other women sexually IMO. But I've seen him glancing at guys.
9. Admitted he didn't find vulvas particularly attractive. Maybe that's why he kept his eyes closed.
10. Is very kind and affectionate with little hugs and dry kisses.
11. Is patient and kind.
12. If I got out of the shower dripping wet naked or change clothes, he averted his eyes.
13. Had extreme exercise-based "exerexia"
14. Held off to have sex with his first wife until their wedding night. She left him 18 years later for another man.

My issue is, I'm wondering if I left a wonderful man, just because I was "paranoid" and listening to my SCREECHING gut telling me he was in denial and gay. Why did I always feel this husband was gay, and not my first husband or any boyfriends from my past? Thanks so much for reading this, and bl

I'm going through the hell of a seperation from my GID husband. He is way, way way in the closet and denies everything. I have felt like I was losing my mind. I've read on here about "gaslighting," but here's a question/observation I'd love to hear feedback on. So, my STBX seemed to gaslight me during "love-bomb" phase with sex no "gay" man could have right? Or wrong? He'd preform as if fueled by pure hetero hunger. And then within a month, it went back to near zero or mechanical, eye-shut sex. Is it possible other Gay husbands could do this? Gaslight via sex to make you think, "See, I am a King in bed. How could I be gay?" I'm thinking of all of you and feel like I'm going to crack.
 

This has been a beneficial thread to see everyone's progress and concerns. My wish for you, me...all of us, is to find that light in this world. Be it from a STRAIGHT mate or from loving ourselves back to the mental and physical health we deserve. Now for my update: I never had any proof that my GID soon-to-be-ex was cheating with men. All I heard were rumors. But I just knew. I knew it from the lack of passion, and the eyes-closed shut during all sexual encounters. I have been financially dependent on him for the last five years. I signed an unfair pre-nup which leaves me penniless. Since I officially left a few months ago, I've gotten no more "UTI infections." Maybe they were STD's? And the antibiotics worked? Anyway, I met someone in my city who I've begun dating. No sex (yet) but this man's kisses tell a whole different story that what it was like kissing my husband - who hated kissing. I feel as if I'm the only one on the forum who hasn't found any proof of TGT. I've checked phones, computers...nothing. This lack of real proof kept me going back to him after the love-bombing. Not anymore. Sometimes...rather often...we just "know" and ignore those feelings. Hugs to all. 

I've been asking for God to give me a sign. I found porn photos (only two) on his phone in deleted pics.
He is telling me I'm nuts and that he's going to tell all his friends and family everything I accused him of.
Said I'm crazy and he'll show them my messages where I finally, after 12 years of this shit, accuse him
outright. I've been denying to myself, after having heard 12 years of rumors from people that he's gay. Rumors
don't just come out of thin air, right? Now, he's saying he is a great man who is faithful and would be "proud to admit" to all if he were gay. Screw this. He closes his eyes tightly every time (not often) there is a sexual encounter.
He gets "soft" during missionary. God help.