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July 8, 2018 12:45 pm  #1

Gaslighting via "sex?"

I'm going through the hell of a seperation from my GID husband. He is way, way way in the closet and denies everything. I have felt like I was losing my mind. I've read on here about "gaslighting," but here's a question/observation I'd love to hear feedback on. So, my STBX seemed to gaslight me during "love-bomb" phase with sex no "gay" man could have right? Or wrong? He'd preform as if fueled by pure hetero hunger. And then within a month, it went back to near zero or mechanical, eye-shut sex. Is it possible other Gay husbands could do this? Gaslight via sex to make you think, "See, I am a King in bed. How could I be gay?" I'm thinking of all of you and feel like I'm going to crack.


July 8, 2018 6:11 pm  #2

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"

I think the answer is absolutely yes. It is a performance.


July 8, 2018 7:19 pm  #3

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"


Last edited by JenS (January 4, 2019 8:39 am)


July 8, 2018 8:49 pm  #4

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"

Thanks Daryl and Jen S: It was indeed a "performance" when I look back on it. He'd do this often...but only when I'd leave him and he needed me back in his graces. Seems he only "hungered" for me sexually when he thought his beard was going to fall off, so to speak. Once I'd take him back, he was the lip kissing, only tongue in throat, sex with eyes shut tight and over in 40 seconds. Wishing you all joy in the weeks to come. Remember, move a muscle, change a thought. Let's not fear the unknown...because what we have known...enslaved us!

     Thread Starter

July 9, 2018 11:16 am  #5

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"

I wonder this myself. When I think about it, my husband was/still is lusting after women he sees on TV. Saying how hot they are, that he would do this or that to her blah blah blah. He was ALWAYS this way. I wonder if this is a 'cover' so to speak. I would always tell him he is being disrespectful by saying this and he would just blow me off. Now I'm just like 'yea, right..whatever!'. 

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~

July 9, 2018 11:46 am  #6

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"

I can only remember my ex initiating sex a few times in 16 years, but toward the end of our marriage she was more likely to accept my advances.  I remember thinking I was lucky at the time..  I think her reasoning was to throw me off from thinking that she was in love with her friend.  

I never thought of it as gaslighting before today, but I guess in a sense it was.  She was using sex to manipulate my thinking.  

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


August 31, 2018 4:58 pm  #7

Re: Gaslighting via "sex?"

The best sex I ever had with my XH, was the one time I had thrown him out and was serious about divorce.  He had been out of the house for a month.  I can look back now and realize that’s how he got me to take him back.  Wow, I prolonged my suffering 4 more years.  Oh wel, hindsight is 20/20


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