And after reading all the posts here, I know it is not the worst thing that can happen. I consider myself lucky in so many ways. I have a nice home, wonderful friends and family, a good job. At my age, I can't wish for anything else.

But at the time it hits, it is so intense it feels like the end of the world. I never knew that kind of pain before or since. But we can heal and move on. Now I want to encourage newbies not to get stuck in the pain. I can still cry 18 months later, but most days I don't. Keep hope that better times will come. They will.

JK, I'm still with you, feeling his lies and betrayals tainted 25 years of marriage. How can I forgive that, or appreciate the good things he did bring, since it all feels false now? I'm working on releasing the anger and hurt, accepting the facts and embracing the new reality. But forgiveness still seems a long way off.

My whole deal started 18 months ago with a shocking discovery, so maybe it is still too fresh. My life is going well and I am beginning to dwell on it and him less and less. But forgive? Not yet. Maybe releasing him will be forgiveness, and I'm getting closer.

Dear Kel, thanks you for all the good ideas. I wish I had known this last year, I almost didn't make it through the holidays. But I did, and this year was sooo much better. I hope you are still planning to write that book and get our story out.

JK! So happy you let your kids help plan fun things. That's what I do with granddaughters and we always have love and fun together. You sound so strong.

Rob, you are such a great dad to hide your hurt and sorrow around your kids. I hope this year brings a big turning point in your recovery. You deserve to be happy and safe, as we all do. (I slept in a locked room with a chair under the door til I moved to my new home.)

For me, the discovery, divorce and selling our house and starting over happened so quickly that I was in a blur for many months, but once that was all done I could make a new life and not have to ever see or speak with him. I also took the lead and got a lot of things my way since he wanted me to keep his secret. I'm convinced that made my healing go much faster than many who deal with a long, drawn out breakup, or have jobs or kids together.

Happy New Year to all of us.

Let's make 2017 ridiculously wonderful!

Keeping Hope

Jk, this may sound strange, but what if you and the kids met him at a movie theater or restaurant, and made that your family Christmas? That requires very little interaction, it's different, and less invasive than him in your home or your youngest unhappy. Would he go for that?

Good luck. Plan well so you don't have to be alone, but sounds like you've got that covered.

Yes, Steve, yes. And, love your tag line. Never give up hope.

We are diamonds, forged by our pain.

We are heroic, all of us, for enduring and maintaining hope and dignity and goodness.

We are incredibly fortunate to have each other.

JKPeace, Rob and everyone who is lonely, write down things you would like to have or do. Places to go. People to call. Keep that list handy for when you are feeling down and don't know what you want. It won't cure all your ills but it will remind you to look for pleasure and peace.

Sending hope today.