Thank you OOHC, I have missed your guidance these past months. I knew I needed to come back home to this family.

So he last time I told him I wanted a separation he got angry and said he wouldn't leave the house. If I wanted to separate then I should be the one to leave. He gas lit and manipulated me into thinking it was all my fault so I stayed the last few months. I'm ready to leave but I have nowhere stable to go, especially not somewhere I can take my son. If I leave him here, will I have trouble getting custody later on?

Ok seriously that was the last marriage counseling appointment I'm going to. I'm done.

He says he feels hurt, scared and bitter lately. He has directed these feelings at me passive aggressively. He denies me touch, eye contact, attention, affection, and empathy (effing prick).

He feels like there is only room for my needs, feelings and opinions in our relationship. No room for his. He has so much fear and sadness built up that he can't bring himself back to the way he used to feel about me. He is only sad and afraid when he is around me. He feels a great loss for the partner he thought he had in me. He accuses me of gas lighting him. He says I deny his reality and truth. It is my reaction that is causing all my trauma, not his actions. It is my decision to feel the way I feel. He says he can't and doesn't make me feel loss, betrayal, suspicion, or fear because he has never cheated on me. He claims he has never hurt me.

He accuses me of acting like I am evolved and grown past him. He is not sure he likes the "evolved" person I am becoming. Apparently I've become angry, bitter, homophobic (wow) and self righteous. He truly hopes I find good things and a partner that works for me. He doesn't know if he is that person for me. Because he can't be with someone who demands he fit in a certain mold (the person he had been for the last 13 years??)

He needs me to love, respect and accept him if we can move forward. He went on and on about setting boundaries with me, make himself heard, make his needs known because he is enough.

What the actual f***?
I'm looking for a place of my own tomorrow. Thursday is our 14th anniversary. How did I get here?

I haven't been on here since April. He asked me to try marriage counseling so I threw myself in 100%. It was helpful in that I wanted and separation and we haven't separated yet. Then our counselor left the practice suddenly. I didn't like her very much, but it was a place I could talk to him and he didn't gaslight me. So we got assigned to a new one. The session went pretty well. Rehashing everything again made me sick and almost throw up but I got through it. Then at the very end she says she is happily married to a gay man, who is her best friend, and is raising three beautiful children with him. They have different sexual needs, but sex isn't a big priority when you get older. She is 48. My vision went fuzzy and my ears buzzed. What the actual f***?

OutofHisCloset wrote:

He, of course, will not want you to leave, and try to convince you to stay, and try to convince you that you are the one at fault for wanting to leave, but this is self-serving on his part.  

  You can't change him.  You cant make him stop.  You can't make him want to stop.  You can't save him.  Save yourself.

 

 

 
You are speaking to me so much rn! My husband is trying to convince me that I'm at fault for wanting a separation and to leave our house. He said, "why should I have to leave the house? You're the one who wants to separate, so you should go." I was completely flabbergasted. Mind effer!!