Yes, I have and there are no current meetings here. Hard to believe.

Read here almost everyday; but, as I'm moving on, don't have much time to post anymore...that's a good thing for me.

Saw an article today as I went down a rabbit hole (caution: they can be deep-don't fall in) after church sermon on LGBTQ issues. Neeed to share. Hoping it will be healing for some of you beautiful, loyal, loving souls.

https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0203472

If the link does not copy here, it is entitled, "A Female Spouse: the Process of Seperation When a Spouse 'Comes Out' Gay" and can be found by googling the PLOS One website and title. It's a long journal article; but painted a very clear picture for my journey and gave me great hope. Quoted our own Amity Buxton as well.

Based on Method 3.1 of the article, I believe I am about ankle deep in the Rubican right now.  Much of divorce paperwork almost done, I have all my things (important ones, anyway), living in my own home on my own half the time, new jobs, new church, etc...

As the pandemic-lockdown was beginning, the last of my immediate family had just lost his battle with alcohol and cirrhosis.  I was high-risk, without a job, no more family and caught my husband crossing boundaries that he had been told a long time ago would end the marriage. This led to further further discoveries.  I had seen my brothers' turning jaundice as a loss of accountability for my STBX. I was helpless and alone and weak to him now.

In spring of 2020 as I unpacked my brothers home, and, consequently, the last of the effects of my previously deceased family members as well, I gradually began to see the empty shelves of his home as possibly my future shelves and slowly began bringing personal things over. When my husband and children were in virtual work and school, I was at my brothers home, first verifying if I was seeing things in my marriage correctly and eventually rebuilding my new life. Yesterday as I was putting towels away I found a "living room" label for one of those she

Folks, I know some of us are still finding "landmines" in this battle; but I wanted to tell you that no matter how well you think you are doing right now, you are mighty! For the last 2 1/2 years the whole world has been on the brink of madness from politics to war to civil unrest to the pandemic, etc... and guess who's still standing? We have been through those same things as the rest of the world AND gotten rolled over by the SSA/LGBTQ bus. No offence intended to our LGBTQ friends and allies (I so appreciate Sean), only the ones who lied, gaslit, cheated, stole, blame-shifted and minimized us. Heck, if it hadn't been for the pandemic (not minimizing it), I don't know that I ever would have slowed down long enough to question the word salad. I heard the lies; but was too busy. Besides, he would never,ever, never...oh, yes, he did. Those of you still coming to read and post and are still slogging your way through this madness, you are mighty!!!! We are mighty and we are so much stronger and will be that much mightier because of what we are going through.

Peace

!

Sorry Sean, I didn't read all 189 pages; but I read a lot. And it has been so very affirming.

I am trying to finalize our divorce now and I am on the fence about something. I want him to at least tell the truth to our daughters. Fourteen year-old point-blank asked him if he's gay and he lied or, maybe, is just gaslighting himself when he said no. Remnants of Exodus International. I hate all these secrets and lies. I have no family. I'm barely making ends meet now with public assistance. I NEED my alimony. If I keep his secret, appease him in that way, I might get the alimony. If I piss him off, I may be in real financial crisis later. I am working hard now and will not always be this tight; but I have to survive right now and will better myself.

I have tried to teach my girls about making boundaries in relationships with each other and with friends and even me in teachable moments. I am hoping they will be able to apply them to their relationship with him when and if they need to. I'm trying to armour them (in subtle ways) to battle the narcissism if necessary.

If it's not too private, was there a moment when you knew it was time to come out to your kids? If he comes clean on his own, maybe he wouldn't withhold my alimony. Am I making sense or is this my codependency at work? Maybe I should just let it play out on its own.