My husband and I have been together 20 years (married 15).   It's a second marriage for both of us, no children together.  Our sex life has always been important to us and it's never been an issue.  Over the years I would see searches for gay porn and similar things.  I either ignored them or if I confronted him received lame excuses....it's amazing the amount of gay material that just "pops up" when you are looking at other stuff.  (insert eye roll).  Last spring he tells me that he's bored sexually with what we do and wanted to try other stuff.  He starts buying lots of toys and male accessories that left me questioning his orientation.  At one point I even asked him how he identified sexually.  His response was "same as I always have."   Of course I pursued it and asked "Which is?"  He said that although he's never had anything physical with a guy, he's open to it (if we weren't together), so he could be bisexual ("If you needed to put a label on it" was his quote).  He also said that since he's never been with a guy he considers himself hetero.  

A couple of weeks ago he told me that if we ever broke up he would pursue a relationship with a guy.  He said that he loves me and has been very happy with our marriage and wouldn’t do anything to cause problems (cheat, I guess?).  We have spiced things up to try and meet his needs (just the two of us) but I fear that it isn’t going to be enough for him.  When I expressed my concern to him he said, “It’s going to have to be, right?”  He said that he isn’t going to do anything that I’m not ok with or that would end our marriage.  I asked him to tell me if he starts to feel like he needs more and he said, “Why, if I can’t do anything what’s the point?”  I said to remain open and communicate.  He then said, “Ok, I’m telling you, I need more, now what?”  I changed it and said, “What if I told you that I wanted to be with a girl, what would you do?”  He said he would

Thank you everyone.  

Lily --- if he does step out, or I find out that he has in the past then I'm done.  

Abby ---  I do feel loved and valued.  Our relationship had always been good.  He's romantic, supportive, helped me raise my two sons.  I'm hurt in a way that he felt the need to keep this part of him hidden, but it's out now.  I couldn't bear to see him with anyone else (male or female).  Interesting side note:  He had left wrist surgery in October and the doctor advised him to take off his wedding ring because his hand may swell and it would hurt.  It really made me think seeing him without his ring.  I didn't like it at all.  

Ellexoh_nz --- I agree that I am lucky that he has finally shared this with me, as I've read so many posts that women have not ever received answers.  I agree that the snooping serves no helpful purpose here.  I've always been extra nosey.  I can accept him stating he's bisexual, but I could not accept him acting on the desires.  

Longwayhome --- I don't know what his true intent is with being on those sites.  That's one thing he has denied all along, which is confusing of itself.  If he can admit to bisexual feelings and enjoying the idea of being intimate with a man, why deny looking at the dating site?  Only thing I can think of is because it moves things to the next level???

I don't even know where to begin....

My husband and I have been together for 20 years (married 15).  He's very handsome and masculine, in a bad boy kind of way.  Sex has always been an extremely important part of our relationship and our sex life has been amazing (similar interests and drives).

Early on I would occasionally find internet searches, gay porn, gay dating site (hairybears or something like that).  I confronted him and got lame answers, "I was searching for XYZ and it just popped up."  Like everyone on here seemed to do initially, I let it go.  Time would go by and things would be great, then another round of internet "pop ups" would surface.  I'd let it go, or if I confronted him with it he denied everything and start getting mad that I was accusing him of being gay.  In the fall of 2019, I felt a nagging and looked at his email one day.  I saw that he had signed up for a gay dating site (gaymaturedaddies, and was looking at gaytruckers).  I followed the link in his email to his account and aside from changing the birth month and day---year was right, and moving the next town over from ours, it was legit.  He hadn't signed up for full access which would require payment, but he could look and his profile was listed.  He listed himself as gay, no picture of himself at all.  I could see the profiles he had looked at.  All of the other typical dating site questions he left blank or chose the "Tell you later" option.  This bothered me so badly that internally I was a train wreck, felt sick to my stomach, you name it.  I sat on it and didn't tell him I knew, but every chance I could get on the computer without him home I was snooping.  I took pictures with my phone, emailed them to myself and printed them at work.  I actually went to see a psychologist twice without him knowing because I was so upset.  She looked at my evidence and deemed him gay or bi.  It didn't appear that he ever tried to message anyone, or couldn't on a free account,