Hello again LonelyDude,

I’m so sorry for what you’re feeling. I’ve never felt unwanted, undesirable, or unattractive. That didn’t waiver at any point in time even with him coming out. He never desired to replace me if that makes sense. We continue to have a great relationship and sex life. I’ll admit that my desire dwindled for a bit because the thought of it all was certainly not a turn on. 🤣

I’m happy to talk about it all if you (or others) have questions. 

Edit… In the first few months after disclosure I suggested he move out/we divorce so he could explore. I didn’t suggest it in a mean way, just rather matter of fact. He had no interest in any of that. Then sometime later I suggested I be involved in finding a person for him and proceeded to look for someone although he said he wasn’t interested. Oddly, I really liked that idea. He was rather terrified at the whole prospect and I believe that’s when it became clear that he doesn’t find men attractive and never has. In retrospect it’s comical.


Tangled

My husband seems to be abandoning the bi label for himself. He came out saying, “I think I’m bisexual” four years ago. He’s never been comfortable or keen on the idea of actually doing anything with a man. He doesn’t find men attractive at all. And, generally speaking, he doesn’t like men. We’ve spoken about all of this in great length over the years. He has a very high level, demanding position and he earns in the top 1% (I’m saying this to give any idea of the responsibility he has) in his field. He handles the stress well I think, but because he’s almost always in charge he likes the idea of being less in charge on some occasions in the bedroom. He’s perfectly happy with that person being me, a cis heterosexual woman.

I’ve heard about this in the past, but never thought too much of it. Anyone, it really doesn’t change anything for us if he keeps the bi label or not.

Tangled

Anon,

I do recall our communication. Thank you so much for your kind and considerate reply. I do appreciate it. I’m so sorry for what you and others here have gone through and continue to go through. No one deserves to be treated badly. I’m glad you found exactly what you needed when you needed it. Even though I know you’ve suffered, I don’t recall hostility from you toward your spouse or anyone here and I very much appreciate that. It tells me a lot about your character. I understand if there’s “bad” it absolutely should be spoken about and proper support should be given. Anyone’s story should be told with accuracy, good or bad, with no need for sugar coating to please anyone else. I will visit this forum on occasion and focus on the positives in my life and marriage.

Thank you again,

Tangled

… and I really wish I hadn’t found it first thing anyway. I’m glad to see there are many more options for support today then there were four years ago.

I’ve been reflecting on this whole journey since my husband came out as bisexual. The negativity and gloom prophesiers took much more of a toll on my mental health than anything my husband said or did. I tried to go back through my posts and find how many times I was told my husband was actually “gay in-denial,” but that turned into an impossible task. I was told my husband was already having sex with men and I was naive, and so on. I’m not sure how perfect strangers with limited information could deduce all of this.

As for anyone wondering why I post here very occasionally still, it’s for the newcomers to the MOM forum who might see a MOM as achievable and desirable for them.

Anyway, with all that said, there are a few people here that I am grateful came into my life. You know who you are. Thank you.

Tangled

We are so proud of us. I know it’s an odd thing to say, but we have seen so many others around us divorce and remarry, divorce again etc… We’re really proud of us as a couple. We surmise we probably have a healthier marriage than more than 80% of those we know. We just celebrated a wedding anniversary so my husband and I were talking about all of this. It’s pretty amazing.

Tangled