OurPath Open Forum

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September 22, 2023 1:58 pm  #1

SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

… and I really wish I hadn’t found it first thing anyway. I’m glad to see there are many more options for support today then there were four years ago.

I’ve been reflecting on this whole journey since my husband came out as bisexual. The negativity and gloom prophesiers took much more of a toll on my mental health than anything my husband said or did. I tried to go back through my posts and find how many times I was told my husband was actually “gay in-denial,” but that turned into an impossible task. I was told my husband was already having sex with men and I was naive, and so on. I’m not sure how perfect strangers with limited information could deduce all of this.

As for anyone wondering why I post here very occasionally still, it’s for the newcomers to the MOM forum who might see a MOM as achievable and desirable for them.

Anyway, with all that said, there are a few people here that I am grateful came into my life. You know who you are. Thank you.


Last edited by TangledOil (September 22, 2023 3:23 pm)


September 22, 2023 4:25 pm  #2

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

I really don't come around much anymore either but I try to peek in from time to time to see if anyone is looking for a positive experience because that is what I was SO desperately searching for all those years ago. SSN was also the first place I found, and that was over 17 years ago now. Unfortunately, I had the same experience as you and eventually left. It instilled so much more fear and distrust in my husband, beyond anything I already had. I understand the pain of most people here. I know there is usually good reason for it and they need a place for it. I definitely feel that is valid and their pain is valid. At the same time, these spaces do not often feel like a place for healing and moving on but rather a reminder of how stuck people can remain. Finding camaraderie and a sense of belonging can be important. Finding people who truly understand what you are going through is priceless. That is one good thing about these spaces. The problem is when people come here looking for hope and positive experiences they are met with a lot of anger and assumptions. And those of us who do try to remain positive or share our positive stories are pretty much told we don't belong here and there is no place for us here. Like us sharing our success stories somehow invalidates their terrible experiences. Humans are complex creatures... not all straight people are innocent victims and not all LGBTQ people are narcissistic lying abusers. Nothing in life is that simple.

Straight wife to wonderful Bi husband 
20+ years together, out to me for 17+ 

September 22, 2023 6:12 pm  #3

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

I'm not here as often these days either. I'd never blame negativity from members as the reason though. I'm simply in a new and very different phase of the journey and prefer to invest my energy in other places. 

One has to join this Forum with a great  sense of self (which I know very well is often crushed when we first get here) and also with the knowledge that there is not just one path available to walk down. But that shouldn't mean seeing somebody's truth as gloom prophesising. It should mean accepting we see things differently.

Log back in sure but why do it if every time you do you have to *fault* the rest of us for not taking the same path you took


KIA KAHA                       

September 22, 2023 6:16 pm  #4

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

I don’t take issue with others taking a different path at all. Different paths are necessary for different people and circumstances. My issue was being told by multiple people that my husband wasn’t bisexual, but gay in-denial, and that I was clueless. I understand people are hurt and greatly effected by their experiences, but to believe that everyone’s experience is like another’s is silly, to say the least.

I truly don’t fault anyone for taking a different path. I’m talking specifically about those here who think there’s no bisexuality and there’s ONLY gay and straight.

I’m not the only one who’s had this experience. It’s fairly common knowledge within the community.


PS… CMaree23, thank you for expressing it so well, as always.

Last edited by TangledOil (September 22, 2023 7:00 pm)

     Thread Starter

September 22, 2023 9:34 pm  #5

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

TangledOil wrote:

I’m not the only one who’s had this experience. It’s fairly common knowledge within the community....


Yes....I know. I had the same knock-backs when I joined. Which is why I asked for this board, while I worked out the wrinkles in my life. It's great that you have your life sorted but The Forum doesn't need you to tell us how negative you find us. In my opinion your opinion isn't necessary. 



KIA KAHA                       

September 22, 2023 9:55 pm  #6

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

Tangled Oil - I know we spoke for awhile when I first joined the forum and I am so happy it worked out for you! 

I also dealt with an entire mix of reactions along the way through all of this. But I do remember when I first joined having so much hope for my relationship. I put everything I had into it....and sadly ignored the red flags waving in my face. Ultimately, if I could go back in time, I do wish I had heeded some of the warnings a bit more because I think everything was way worse in the end for me.

I will say that I do probably sound pessimistic on this site when I post, but I am not going to lie...it's just been a safe space to be able to talk about the "bad" of all of this with people who get it. Every day I have to pretend everything is great. I can't talk about this with others, as I just can't hear all the empathy for my gay ex day in and day out anymore.

I do like having this section and reading about MOM that make it. Over the years, I have just seen a lot of people who got incredibly hurt and traumatized by their GID spouses, so I can see why there is a level of bitterness and hurt. Which is why I also find this forum invaluable. Because it is a place where you can be bitter, hurt, resentful, and vent all of the pain and no one is going to say "just get over it already". This level of betrayal has so many layers, and everyone is at different stages in the journey.

No one truly knows what others are going through. But, it is nice to have a space where you aren't judged for having a really difficult time with this process.


September 23, 2023 11:54 am  #7

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…


I do recall our communication. Thank you so much for your kind and considerate reply. I do appreciate it. I’m so sorry for what you and others here have gone through and continue to go through. No one deserves to be treated badly. I’m glad you found exactly what you needed when you needed it. Even though I know you’ve suffered, I don’t recall hostility from you toward your spouse or anyone here and I very much appreciate that. It tells me a lot about your character. I understand if there’s “bad” it absolutely should be spoken about and proper support should be given. Anyone’s story should be told with accuracy, good or bad, with no need for sugar coating to please anyone else. I will visit this forum on occasion and focus on the positives in my life and marriage.

Thank you again,


     Thread Starter

September 23, 2023 11:57 am  #8

Re: SSN/Our Path was the first resource I found…

Thank you, Elle, for your reply and I do appreciate the MOM board that you got started here.


     Thread Starter

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