I'm so sorry your adult children are reacting this way. It's completely unfair. No amount of joint counseling is going to make your STBX straight.

I'm sure they're acting out of their own pain and confusion.

I wish Lake Breeze was on here more -- she has experienced similar issues.

I hope things get better for you soon. Be proud of yourself, your new life is just beginning. 

Thank you all.

Wendi, your post was very, very helpful. It gave me hope. Your life sounds much like mine. Went from wonderful (except for not knowing his secret) straight to the depths of hell. Hearing that you are now in a different place is so, so good. 

Steve, I love your quote. 

Kel and Rob, I always look forward to hearing from you. 

I just want the healing to feel measurable and I'm impatient. I've always been Type A, with a plan, dreams of the future, etc. This entire process, this utter loss of control over my life, the way in which he's treating me. Feeling flawed and unlovable and like I am failing my kids because I can't seem happy every day. This damn LIMBO life where you don't have the "d" on the end of divorce and you have someone doing things like draining the bank account just to punish you. Jesus, It's hard. 

And then losing the guy I was dating ... I felt wanted, sexy, fun. He felt safe. And he wasn't unkind, he just wasn't into me in the end. Which hurt my self-esteem again, even if it was about him. And my therapist says all I need is another emotionally unavailable guy. And that I myself am really not emotionally available yet. I have been connecting online with some new guys with the object being fun and not a relationship this time round. It just eases the loneliness bc I don't have any divorced girlfriends in town and all my friends are very busy with spouses, kids, jobs, lives. But the pickings are slim and I get a lot of two word "hey babe" introductions. Barf. 

My job has actually been wonderful. It keeps my head out of all the shit and I really enjoy what I do. But I'm exhausted and trying to balance this life with my kids is very hard. 

I'm not giving up. I refuse. I just wish I could fake happiness better. I know my kids feel my sorrow and that eased up so much when I was dating. That was also a period that coincided with a lot less drama in the divorce where we are now heavily involved in weekly meetings to try to co-paren

You're not alone, not alone. Keep repeating. This board helped me stay alive. And I don't think I'm the only one who feels that way.

We are here. Keep writing. Only those who have been through truly understand the layers of mess, pain, and complication.

I'm only a year in, but there are people here who have survived and are now happy. I look to them for hope.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day my husband moved out of the house. It was one of the most painful days of my life. I feel like a year later I should be getting over this, but we are still right in the middle of a nasty, nasty divorce, so the crap and the bullshit and the pain go on and on. 

This weekend he and his boyfriend took the kids to a nearby island on the exact trip we took as a family in September prior to the break up. 

The guy I was dating "just isn't feeling it." He was the one fun point in everything.

I have to go to work tomorrow, and while I am grateful I finally have a job, it is very hard to give up being a SAHM.

I miss my kids, but when they are with me, I will admit, somewhat ashamedly, I am overwhelmed.

I came so far out of depression and grief and feel as if I am now moving backward.

I have to sit in on court-agreed parenting meetings where we learn to work together as parents, a problem we never had until my ex went apeshit crazy and came out of the closet. He has changed from a kind, easy-going person to an aggressive, gas lighting liar. I end up in tears at the end of the meetings. He calls that "emotionally hijacking the meetings." I find it hard to keep the tears from flowing when he is hell bent on talking about what a horrible, crazy mother I am. The entire divorce is my fault. He is bi, so that justifies being with me for so long. He just happens to be with a guy now. It could have been a woman. Anything to get away from me. And funnily enough, all the things that drove him away (and there are a litany) -- he never mentioned ONCE as issues while we were married. While he's a good parent for lying for 20 years, leaving us with little warning, meeting a guy at a party 6 weeks later who was there with his husband, breaking up that relationship, introducing my kids to him and then moving in with him four months later. Try not to laugh, but my GIDSTBX is a physician and his boyfriend is a psychologist. So they know everyt

Hi, everyone,

My GIDSTBX and I are meeting weekly with a parenting coordinator. These are professionals available in just 9 states at this time. They are trained mental health professionals who take additional training in the family court system and how it works. 

These meetings were my ex and his lawyer's idea. 

During these meetings, my STBX has started to gaslight me. He tells me I remember conversations that I am POSITIVE about incorrectly. He claims he is bi and not gay. He tells me over and over again that the end of our marriage is my fault. He accuses me regularly with statements like "she always ends everything in a dramatic pool of tears" or "she always emotionally hijacks" our meetings. 

What happens is that he is so accusatory and angry and so very very determined that he and his boyfriend are a separate family who should be able to parent any way they please, without any input from me or even conversation with me, that I get frustrated, scared, angry, and hurt. I am an NF on the Myers-Briggs. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Ironically it used to be one of the things my spouse, who is very unemotive (one must learn to be when one is hiding one's true sexuality for decades on end), said he loved about me.

Now the tables have turned. I am over-emotional, pretty much crazy, and untrustworthy. 

The real truth is he's a huge pussy (pardon my French) who can't co-parent because he's afraid to be in the same room with me and the kids without his boyfriend (whom he considers a parent after knowing for 11 months) to back him up. He will do anything to avoid discussing our children with me and makes important decisions without talking with me routinely. Please know I do not expect him to run it by me every time someone sneezes. But big situations like a depressed child, one child bullying another, or issues with school, should be discussed together before being discussed with the child.

We actually came to agreeement on this during our last meeting. Then,