Hi Jupiter,

I divorced my GIDH but it was not the usual scenario you read here. My ex got into legal trouble and things didn't work in his favor because of it.

Nevertheless, I was nervous and overwhelmed. Out of necessity more than a plan I stuck with getting through the divorce. I was actually angrier about his money wasting and abuse of me than his gay dalliances.

My suggestion is to view the legal steps to a divorce as a plan to secure your financial future without this guy.  That should be it. It's the main thing now until the marriage is legally over. He'll goad you into a fight and do all kinds of things to make you look bad. It's hard to do but rise above it. Don't talk to him and have all legal matters go through your attorney.

You definitely need emotional support through people you know and trust. LGBTQ+ is a hot and divisive issue.  I found I had to be careful who I talked about it to. People can misconstrue what you're saying and bring more pain into your life.  You don't deserve that after all you've been through.

The therapist and divorce coach work for you. You call the shots here, not the other way around.

Thelight,

I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Sometimes newly out spouses tend to go back into the closet and lovebomb the straight spouse to enter with them.  The same issues resurface after a while.

I wasn't strong when I told my ex-h to leave and filed for divorce. I was weak and scared.  It took a leap of faith that I was headed towards an honest future free from abuse and manipulation. 

I've gotten stronger dealing with the aftermath of my marriage. My present is free from abuse and manipulation. Leaving was worth it.

Do a Google search of Vera television series. (Brenda Blethyn plays the police detective Vera.) It'll show you options for streaming if you are in the US or something else if you're not. I had a 10-day free trial on Britbox.

The one I posted about is Series/Season 13, episode 1.  The free options to watch don't show this episode.

hoppyfrog wrote:

Just hoping as she is a lot younger than me, she will have the computer skills to really catch him and out him. 
 

Hello hoppyfrog,

Outing a gay person just for the sake of it is vicious. Most normal gay men and women aren't deceiving a romantic partner. 

Your ex will be deceiving an innocent person. If there's anything on Google that would warn her, send it to her. You could do it anonymously.

I was warned by someone that the guy I was dating (my late GIDXH) wasn't my type. This was before the internet so I dismissed it and wondered what she was getting at. Am very grateful to her as it came into my mind during my marriage. I didn't feel so crazy with my suspicions after remembering.  I think it does help to say something as it may help her in the near or far future in case the internet evidence is gone.

friends0102 wrote:

The whole "to get over someone, get under someone else's skin" works, but it's 10x better to not rebound and work on bettering your own life. Also, in the off chance you do meet someone who is stellar as a rebound, it puts things in jeopardy because you're still not healed.

Yes and no. After almost 20 years trapped by a violent husband who wanted nothing to do with me in the bedroom, it's healing to feel desired by a heterosexual man. Everything is 100% wonderful with that.

 Also, a lot of stellar people would want many of us right now -- we're kind, honest, loyal, understanding, fun to be around, loving and generous to a fault. Stellar people understand when a life challenge is not your fault and no reflection on you as a potential partner.  I see a lot of high quality people posting here who would make great relationship material.

The problem is sometimes we let our guard down during these confusing times and pick an inappropriate person. We get support and we learn to do better.