So very sorry you are here… I often say it’s the group I’m glad I found but sorry to be a part of. 
I wanted to add: PLEASE go see your doctor! if you haven’t already done so, PLEASE get checked for all STDs! Every single encounter he had put your life (& the lives of your children) @ risk…

((hugs))
CherryTree

Thank you, Sean, for taking time to read my post & answer my questions. Unfortunately, I’ve been hanging out in ‘limbo land’ since I discovered the gay porn pics/videos in 2013. Since then, the only questionable thing I found was a link to ‘queer literature’, that he again denied. Regardless of whether I believed him or not, I realized I no longer trusted him, if I had to constantly check his phone/tablet. to me, that’s not a marriage if the trust is gone. So why am I still in the marriage? Because I want ‘more’. more proof. I know that’s horrible, but I feel like I need more evidence. He hasn’t changed his appearance (in wardrobe or physically); he doesn’t travel; he leaves his phone/tablet around without a password. Nothing except the months of gay porn/etc from 3 yrs ago. That should be enough, for I know in my heart that straight married men do not look at gay porn or pics of naked men, at least not for months. He could care less about sex (often says he’s tired, or it’s his antidepressants), doesn’t seem to desire me, etc. I know he probably has SSA, but that he doesn’t want to. His only sibling, his brother, is gay, & his now deceased mother never accepted it. She refused to. So he was her ‘golden boy’: her straight son, married to a doctor (for 21 yrs), w 2 kids (a boy & a girl). He has every reason to suppress that attraction, for he would ‘lose it all’. 
I apologize for rambling, but I’ve been stuck for so long, I find myself ‘rambling’ in my marriage also. If I am the one to say ‘enough’, I feel like I will be blamed, unless I have more concrete ‘evidence’. I worry that others will think i’ve made a mtn out of a mole hill. And yet, I think about it every. single. day. 
sigh. 

thank you for your honesty & your concern, for wanting to help us on this horrible journey we didn’t ask to go on.

CT

Hi Sean, 
As many before me have said, thank you for your willingness to help the straight spouse, & your honesty while doing it. 
My question is regarding gay porn/pics. In 2013, I discovered by pure accident gay porn videos & links to pics of naked men on my GIDH tablet.  Found similar things on his cell phone, both dating back several months. the usual ensued (denial of SSA, saying he was only ‘curious’ because of his h/o childhood sexual abuse, etc). stayed together because I believed him. of course it’s never left my mind. I can’t unsee or unknow. 
How soon after watching gay porn did you venture into ‘real life’ experiences? I know everyone is different, but it appears to be a common occurrence that eventually most GID men go from gay porn to hook ups. 
and please be completely honest (& blunt if needed) & share of any signs/behaviors I should be looking for.

thanks in advance,
CT