BlueBear - I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head re why a GIDX would do something like marry and have children with a straight person.  I think that what you have described was very much the situation with my husband and me.  I've always thought that he wasn't just gay, but had a personality disorder on top of it.  I have no problem with gay (not for me to be married to, but in general), but I do have a problem with fraud, and I believe in my situation it was fraud and he's just never had much of a conscience about it.  He was also very interested in acting.  I couldn't have said what you have said better.  Yes, they had other options like staying single, in the closet, having "quiet" private relationships as single people, or moving to an accepting location.  My GIDX wanted to look "normal" and he didn't care what it cost anybody else.

While I do not condone his marriage years to Lois AT ALL, I will say he at least actually came out, publicly apologized, and acknowledged the "excrutiating pain" he caused his wife.  That is far more than some of us ever get!  Again, I do not condone his overall behavior in any way.  I am not one who believes that if gay people could live authentic lives and without societal scorn, that they would never do this sort of thing.  I have always felt that my former spouse would mess over another gay man if he felt like it.  He's just selfish and selfish comes in all varieties, gay, straight, etc.  There are many gay people with integrity who would never do this sort of thing in spite of what they suffer at the hands of society.  They live honest lives regardless.

This is blunt and I am sorry if that is too much for you, but I wouldn't buy what he is saying.  It sounds like your gut knows where this is going. Listen to your gut.  (I am dealing with breast cancer now, so haven't been on here much.  Very anemic from treatment, so no energy to get on here much or to be "delicate" and offer lots of explanation when I do come here.)

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and wish you nothing but a positive future.  It is a nightmare to be in the situation you are in.  It will get better.  Just keep listening to your gut.

Jkc - I am one more person to tell you that you are not crazy!  This is a very real thing.

Hi Willow - My former husband has never admitted that he was gay, and I frankly had not realized it myself at the time of our divorce (many years ago now).  However, he was cheating with someone and I knew it.  Toward the end of our marriage, he would often make comments that suggested that I was cheating too, although he never showed any signs of being turned on by that idea.  I always thought it was a way to "balance out" his own cheating, so it wouldn't look as bad to himself or others.  I think what Ignorance said above is also a possibility, that he might have been looking for an open marriage of sorts.  I think my former spouse wanted either out of the marriage altogether or something like an open marriage.  He said things that suggested I might be cheating and I thought that in a certain way, he was even encouraging it, so that he would have some sort of "out" for his own bad behavior.  Like you, I never had any desire to be with anyone else.  I thought we had marriage problems and wanted to work on fixing them; I did not want another person.