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Is He/She Gay » A FRIENDLY MESSAGE FROM A GAY EX-HUSBAND » November 20, 2019 7:10 pm

angie1
Replies: 38

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SEAN!!!!! I missed you man! I hope you're still checking in from time to time and I hope you read this.
Its Angie, and I have an update.
    Its been a while (about a year now since I last wrote on this forum) so for those who don't know me, I joined this group about this time last year. I was a newly-wed back then (married in April of 2018) and I was already struggling with some of the common experiences that many straight spouses go through...the lack of sex or affection in general from my GIDH, the gaslighting, the lying, the silent treatment in order to shut me up and not bring up TGT. I was feeling so hopeless and alone and couldn't imagine my life without my husband. I struggled with feeling like a failure because I was just married and already thinking about divorce.

So over the past year I fought for my marriage. I drug him to counseling, I prayed, I attempted to talk things out but the gaslighting continued. Near the end, I started to really show that his behavior was getting old and he began to change... but by then it was too late. I was not going to allow him to suck me back into a sexless, loveless, dismissive, roommate-marriage. I was so close to being free that even the thought of working it out with him was NOT AN OPTION!!!

   Weeelllllll fast forward to today. I am two months out from getting a divorce. I told my GIDX that I could not live in secret anymore and that whether he is gay or not, I deserved better treatment. I told him i needed to move forward with the divorce process. He was NOT happy with that. He cried, he yelled, he blamed me, he cussed me out, he said outlandish things to try and get a reaction out of me, he dragged his feet.... but he signed those papers. We have a court date this upcoming Monday and then 2 months from that day I will be free. 

    As I look back on my marriage I realize that my husband is not a bad man... he is just wounded. He protects himself from facing his shame by projecting it unto me. Our culture

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » December 20, 2018 9:22 pm

angie1
Replies: 2396

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Thank you Sean, Stronger, JKC, Vicky, Phoenix and Mimi, for all of your responses. I have never felt so understood by anyone like I have here. So thank you so much. 
Update to my situation, much like you Mimi, my husband is trying to woo me back into the closet. He has planned two dates in one week (we have only been on two dates since we got married and BOTH were initiated and planned by me). He is all of a sudden complimenting me (which he NEVER has done before). He is being super sweet and letting me pick what we watch on TV and he is cuddling with me at night (still no sex though). I am not going to lie, I fell for it at first. I thought "ok maybe, I am making this all up...maybe he is attracted to me"... but I quickly snapped out of it. 
I have thought about everything you all have said on here and I can not deny the truth. I would be a fool to think that this is all made up and that I can change him into a straight man. 
He has since told me that he is not masturbating anymore to gay porn (as if I am supposed to be comforted by that. As if I am supposed to believe that lol...like he's just looking it up and watching it like a movie hahah... he must think I am dumb). He told me that he also watches straight porn but at this point, I am done. Even IF he DOES watch straight porn, he is still neglecting me and is controlling my emotions and that is toxic for me. I need to get out.
I have been really trying to look internally and as I look back through my life, three out of the four men I have dated have been gay. I must be a great looking beard lol. Or super manly looking (which I am hoping is NOT the case). I am going to go to counseling and figure out what in me is attracted to gay men and how to break that cycle. 

All jokes aside though, I have decided to leave my husband. I am waiting for Christmas to come and go so that I don't ruin his holidays but in January I have made plans to move out and file for divorce. I imagine it will be a hard time for both m

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » December 10, 2018 3:57 pm

angie1
Replies: 2396

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Hey Sean. Its Angie. First off I want to say thank you so much for answering my questions. It has helped me out a ton. Second, I am sorry for the late reply, I have been processing what you have told me. Also, my husband found out I am on here and he told me that I should not be looking for help from "non-christian" people. That is so stupid because I've asked for help from people in the church and although they mean well, they are clueless as to how to deal with my situation. 
So here I am again. I have confronted my husband again and it didn't go well (it never does). He told me that he only looks at gay porn when we are having trouble in our relationship (we're in a fight or something). He says he does it to feel safe. I don't know what that means. It makes me afraid to get in fights because then I'll feel rejected again. 
I know this is not a platform to ask if I should get a divorce but ...I don't want to live the rest of my life like this! I am only 23. I think that is the avenue I have to take but I don't know how to tell him. We HAVE had some really great times together. He IS my best friend. He is funny and fun to hang out with. I just know that if I divorce him, everyone will think I am evil because our marriage looks so good from the outside. And plus, it hasn't even been a year since I got married so they will think I bailed prematurely. I don't know what to do. 

Is He/She Gay » is my husband telling me the truth or is he hiding? » December 6, 2018 7:13 pm

angie1
Replies: 6

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Thank you. All of your responses have helped me so much. Sorry it took me so long to reply...it was just a lot to take in. I am still struggling with the decision to let this marriage go, or stick it out and make it work. I see the good in him and my heart melts and then I see his disregard for my needs and I want to leave. I am going to take a month and really think through this and how to confront him. But... yeah, thank you for all of your help.

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » November 29, 2018 9:40 pm

angie1
Replies: 2396

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 Hello Sean!!!
1st off, you're seriously THE BEST for being willing to answer all these questions. I have one. I am a 23 year old newly wed and I think my husband is gay even though he denies it because hes a christian ...here's the story. So I come from a very conservative background. My Husband and I actually met in the youth group of our church. His family has always condemned homosexuality but my family is more open to it seeing as my sister is a lesbian. Anyway, when we were dating, my husband told me that IN HIS PAST he has been attracted to men and that he looked at gay porn. I was naive and allowed him to explain it away and we moved forward with our relationship thinking that his attraction to men was in the past. We got married in April 2018 and he was a virgin when we got married. Three days into our honeymoon, we STILL had not had sex. I assumed it was just his nerves and brushed it off but  later when we finally did have sex, he seemed very uninterested and he even yawned once (so embarrassing). He never seems interested in sex AT ALL. I initiate most of the intimate times and he barely kisses or opens his eyes to look at me. When (IF) we do have sex, he can not "keep it up" for more that a minute before going limp and he makes excuses like "his back hurts" or "he has a headache" or "hes had a long day" when I have worked longer hours than him. He often says that i want sex too often and he cant keep up. He often makes me feel guilty for wanting to be intimate with him. He told me once that he is now getting older and cant keep up with me (HES 26 YEARS OLD!!!). Recently I wore sexy lingerie on his birthday and he told me that he needed to take a shower first and that he was going to take a long time. When he got out of the shower, he seemed annoyed and inconvenienced so I told him we didn't have to have sex and he seemed happy after that. He avoids coming to bed at night and instead watches tv until 3AM. Once I sent him a text that was sexy and seduct

Is He/She Gay » is my husband telling me the truth or is he hiding? » November 29, 2018 9:28 pm

angie1
Replies: 6

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So I come from a very conservative background. My Husband and I actually met in the youth group of our church. His family has always condemned homosexuality but my family is more open to it seeing as my sister is a lesbian. Anyway, when we were dating, my husband told me that IN HIS PAST he has been attracted to men and that he looked at gay porn. I was naive and allowed him to explain it away and we moved forward with our relationship thinking that his attraction to men was in the past. We got married in April 2018 and he was a virgin when we got married. Three days into our honeymoon, we STILL had not had sex. I assumed it was just his nerves and brushed it off but  later when we finally did have sex, he seemed very uninterested and he even yawned once (so embarrassing). He never seems interested in sex AT ALL. I initiate most of the intimate times and he barely kisses me. When (IF) we do have sex, he can not "keep it up" for more that a minute before going limp and he makes excuses like "his back hurts" or "he has a headache" or "hes had a long day" when I have worked longer hours than him. I wore sexy lingerie on his birthday and he told me that he needed to take a shower first and that he was going to be a long time. When he got out of the shower, he seemed annoyed and inconvenienced so I told him we didn't have to have sex and he seemed happy after that. He avoids coming to bed at night and instead watches tv until 3AM. Once I sent him a text that was sexy and seductive (or so I thought)... and he replied that he would come to bed but that he was too tired and didn't feel like having sex. We have now gone a month without having sex but he admitted to me a few months ago that he has been watching gay porn again. When ever I try and ask him if he is gay he explains it away and says that even though he watches gay porn, he doesn't want to have gay sex because he thinks its wrong. Is he hiding from me? Or does he just not want sex with me? Sorry for the long post

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