I read your post last night and thought that I would hold off responding in case someone closer to your age would reply. You see I would have been married for 40 years this year if my husband had not finally told me he was gay and wanted a divorce - and only then because he had met the man he thought was the love of his life.

I try not to look backwards but there were flashing red lights throughout our relationship which I missed at first and later tried to ignore and excuse. All I can tell you is if there is no interest on his part in sex with you now it is NOT going to get better. We tried all kinds of counseling and all it did was make me feel we were working on the relationship and he'd pay attention to me for a while but then he'd get distant again. Finally I just gave up and got my own bedroom and focused on rearing our children.

I think that too often we focus on trying to figure out our partners, as if a definitive label will make leaving them easier for us and/or force them to acknowledge themselves. I probably never would have left my husband despite years in a sexless marriage with a man who I likened to the refrigerator: big, white and cold. I did not recognize until he was gone how I had diminished myself in order to stay quiet and get along. 

I think often we'd be better off if we looked at the relationship and just finally concluded that "Whatever s/he is s/he isn't for me."  Divorce is not a four-letter word and sometimes it is for the best.

Angie, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but I am glad you found us.

Like the others, I believe your husband is gay. However, given his upbringing, he will never admit this to you - or maybe even to himself. 

So, you need to concentrate on you and what you want and need from a marriage. You have been married less than a year. Do you want another 40+ years of what the last year has been like? Remember..... this is your "honeymoon phase." This is the phase when most marriages are the most sexually active and it usually starts to teeter off once this phase is over. Years of being rejected by your husband will start to take a toll on your self-esteem and your feelings of self-worth.

I know this sounds harsh but you are still young (I assume) and no children are involved yet (again, also an assumption), and very little, if any, marital assets. You deserve someone who desires you and wants you and loves you for you and not just for the beard (or cover) that you provide. You don't deserve a joyless, loveless, sexless marriage. Again, take some time to really think about all of this. What do you want and need from a marriage? Are you getting that now? If not, can you speak to him and have him start meeting those needs? If he can't, what and how much are you willing to compromise? Is he willing to compromise at all in an effort to protect and care for your heart and your needs? And when I speak of compromise, remember you still have your entire lives ahead of you.

If your best friend were in this same situation, what would you advise her to do? 

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

So sorry you are here Angie,

Of course you love your husband, that is why you married.  But you deserve a full life and you are still young and without children.  Sex is a great thing when it brings two people closer and if that is missing, do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling like your partner doesn't really desire you.   And if he has already admitted to SSA please don't excuse or dismiss the seriousness of that for someone who is religious and cannot fully embrace that aspect of themselves.  

I was an missionary as was my GIDX.  He started cheating a few years in....  it does not get better for them.  And it will get worse for you.  

My advice is get out quick!!!