OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Anyone with a transgender spouse

**Posted by Duped** May 25, 2017 2:28 pm

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:54 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** May 27, 2017 7:46 am

Secretly,
"Weekly Amazon packages to support his habits" raises a hug red financial flag for me. I hope you are taking steps to protect your finances and your credit.

**Posted by SecretlySuffering** May 27, 2017 5:08 pm

I know, we just drafted a separation doc to be signed by an attorney next week. I will feel much better then. The current talk is all on transition. He is obsessed with it. I'll be glad when we are just co-parents and nothing further. We already agreed to not be married but live in the same space for the next few months. Out house is 4K sq ft so it's not hard to find our own space. I'm relieved and I don't think I have within me the particular strength required to be married to a trans man. There is absolutely no relationship whatsoever. Just a roommate situation. I will be happy to report when everything is signed. Huge load off my mind.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** May 27, 2017 9:16 pm

Secretly,
"The 'particular strength' required to be married to a trans man"? Please be kinder to yourself; this isn't about your shortcomings. It's about the life choices your husband would force on you. To not want to have your life defined by his trans issues is not an indication that you lack "strength." It's an indication that you have the backbone to say that you won't subordinate yourself and cut off your own sexuality...you have the same rights and should have the same expectation of fulfillment as he does.
I'm glad you're doing what protects you.

**Posted by SecretlySuffering** May 27, 2017 11:11 pm

Thank you OOHC,

I agree, absolutely everything is fixated on his desires to be trans. It's consuming and destructive to my health. That is why I am getting out. Thank you for the encouragement, I really benefit from this site.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** May 28, 2017 6:31 am

Yes, it's terrifying, isn't it, the extent to which the desire to feminize the self becomes an all-consuming fixation and crowds out everything else. My husband would rather have a relationship with himself than with me and even our (adult) son. My son and his long time girlfriend just split up, and when I jokingly said perhaps our son could rent a house across the street that has just come open, my husband said he didn't want our son living so close. The reason? Because my husband was worried our son might come over and catch him wearing his girly clothes.

**Posted by Rob** May 28, 2017 7:57 am

How sad...I would want my kids home or living as close to me as possible.