OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Not sure how long I can hang in

**Posted by Rob** April 13, 2017 10:16 pm

Lisa4kids wrote:
I just don't know what to do.
I feel helpless and alone.

Not alone.

You have yourself and a god. We find others also. Alone I'm finding is better than being with someone who is deceiving you...who is not loyal to you.

I feared loneliness before but my ex became so horrible. Untrustworthy. ..plotting and scheming with her girlfriend while I tried to figure our what I did wrong.. I imagine she was laughing at me...

Your also not as helpless as you think..just need time to process everything. Know that your current situation is not forever.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 15, 2017 1:49 pm

I have to find a way out of this marriage. His negativity is paralyzing and it boggles my mind how ugly he can act towards me when all I do is try to be positive and supportive.
We are currently not speaking. Well he's not. I'm
Just doin my own thing.

**Posted by Rob** April 15, 2017 2:12 pm

Yeah, my ex used the silent treatment throughout the marriage... in her mind she was always right about anything and if you offended her you got the silent treatment.

When she began cheating and then throughout the divorce she would text her girlfriend instead of talking to me. Once she decided and chose her girlfriend I was not worth speaking to.

I learned to detach then. it was like silent treatment she practiced throughout the marriage except this time it was permanent.. ..if I spoke to her I got rage so we had for our separation "the silent house from hell" .
There was nothing I could say to her anyway...in her mind she thought she was moral and right..
She was going crazy from the silence before I was though.

Don't give him the time of day. If they were moral and kind that would be one thing.. but they are not.. go about your life. Read articles on flipboard instead of talking to him.. I could sit in the same room for hours completely ignoring her..

So may begin your joruney through the valley of gay hell.

Know that you are worthy of being spoken to and treated kindly. You are worth so much more.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 15, 2017 2:31 pm

Thank you.
I am worth more. I know I am which is why I won't be tolerating his treatment of me anymore. I'd love to go away for a few days but I can't think of anywhere to go plus I'd miss my kids. Him being out of work and home 24/7 is making it so much harder.
I got verbally berated earlier for saying nice things. Things he probably doesn't see as being true so he lashed at me.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 15, 2017 2:34 pm

I just gave my dad a small inkling as to what's happening here but not the gay part. I need to ease him into the idea we aren't doing well.

**Posted by Rob** April 15, 2017 2:48 pm

Lisa4,
Yeah.. my dad I laid it on..since he wanted the truth, but my mom I eased into it about TGT.

I don't know what it is about these GID spouses and working. We've seen that here a lot where they do not work...somehow they find money to cheat and deceive though. Best not to think about it...just work on yourself. Lower your expectations.. I found anything could be greeted with rage from "good morning"
to "see you tonight".

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 15, 2017 3:22 pm

I noticed that too... my husband is brilliant. Has a masters degree. But he constantly changes or loses jobs and we have moved 7 times. He had a restaurant purchase dealthat was looking good and that's all messed up now as well.
I told him a few minutes ago that he is wearing me out. He said he knows and apologized. Progress

**Posted by Motheroffour** April 19, 2017 6:11 am

Hi Lisa, I so relate. Not just the four kids bit! The silence, the work allergy, the negativity, the blame. I divorced GIDX twelve years ago. I had no support with it at the time. It was all very traumatic. I wish I had found this group, if it existed then. I have just decided to tell my four that their dad is gay and what that has meant for us all after a dreadful Easter Day that degenerated into a horrible scene. The problems all these years later with my four beautiful but contemptuous children need to be addressed for my sanity and health and their understanding. I have told my elder daughter and it went quite well considering. Tears and hugs and some start of understanding.

**Posted by Lisa4kids** April 20, 2017 2:17 pm

Thanks everyone

This is cross-posted but wanted to see what others think

Husbands friend who does our yard weed control called to see if he wanted him to come out. I could hear what he was saying. At the end, the guy said "okay sweetie pie....(pause)....oh that's right you're married to a female".
What on earth?
Husband said to me afterwards "I think he's a little borderline... he'd probably xxxxxx (insert other friends name) if he asked him to.

Seems to me there are a few too many men who feel comfortable saying sexual things to him....
and my friend reminded me again that her boyfriend (he has some bi experience) told her he knew within 15 mins that my husband was at the very minimum, bisexual.

**Posted by Kel** April 20, 2017 2:29 pm

Hi Lisa -

I'm cross-posting too, since I said this on the other thread as well. Straight men do NOT want other men to touch them or hit on them. It disgusts them and makes them very uncomfortable. Friends don't want to make friends feel uncomfortable.

A typical man would have said, "Ew! Shut the fuck up!" and hung up the phone on the other guy. And he would tell him in no uncertain terms at a different time that such behavior is NOT welcome, and that if it continued - even ONCE more - he's done with this friendship.

He's not straight, Lisa. He's not even a good gay husband. You can take all the time you want to decide what to do and how to proceed from here. But for heaven's sake - STOP getting stuck before step one. What would it take to prove it to you? Does he have to get caught with his willy inside someone else for you to believe it? He'd just tell you then that he's "curious", that it means nothing, and that he needed to explore. They ALWAYS have a damned excuse. You know the truth. Not HIS truth - THE truth. What would you tell a friend in the same exact situation? What would you want for her? At what point would you think it ridiculous for her to still be second-guessing his sexuality?

I'm asking you to think through the above. I'm not trying to yell at you - really I'm not. But put on the snow tires, darlin' - you're just content to spin in one spot. You'll never get anywhere else that way.

All my best -

Kel