"These guys will play the "shame" card, and blame "society" for their shame, and expect us to toe the line where they draw it about "telling," but the shame they ought to feel, but don't, is about what they are willing to do to us and to ask us to do. "
I wanted to respond to this. It's entirely his concern if he prefers to stay in the closet, right on up to the moment when he attempts to shift blame to me.
I would make that extremely clear to him. You initiated this divorce because of his behavior, and as long as his public commentary is consistent with that reality, there's no need to out him. The moment he tries to shift blame to you, you have every right to correct the record.
I think the rules around not "outing" people shouldn't require us to be complicit in our own victimization.