OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / The "Little" Signs

**Posted by Tara** July 5, 2023 9:59 pm

Ordinary guy wrote:
Mine punched me and spat in my face. Then turned the fact that I didn’t hit her back into typical toxic masculine passive aggression.

Don’t think that qualifies as “little” ways, Ordinary Guy. That’s awful. Somehow physically abusive women get away with it.

**Posted by Anon2222** July 6, 2023 9:36 pm

So, we had "sex" until shortly before his announcement. I don't know what it actually was anymore. Apparently he's in therapy to find out why he slept with me.

But, like others, the touch just...stopped. No cuddling up on the couch. No kissing. No hugs. A back rub lasted 15 seconds or less. I asked him multiple times what was wrong. I told him that I didn't appreciate his lack of intimacy. I told him I felt lonely. That I felt like we were roommates.

Apparently he interpreted this as I also thought the marriage wasn't working and that we were somehow both on the same page that divorce was the answer. Not me trying desperately to get him to talk to me, trying to figure out what was going on, walking on eggshells, dying inside.

Despite him lying to my face and telling me how attractive he found me, I was the only one, he was committed for life, he would always be there for me. Just blatant lies.

It fucked me up bad. It messed with my mind. How his actions would be so different from his words....and if I pointed it out he would tell me I was wrong, misinterpreting him, or whatever else bogus excuse he could make. I thought he loved me. I was wrong. He only ever cared about himself.

**Posted by Tara** July 6, 2023 10:46 pm

We were roommates too. Who had sex and coparented. I was extremely lonely.
Sometimes I think maybe that’s just what married people settle into in decade 2 when children are young and money is tight..

But I said from the beginning that I felt like I just “filled a role for him.” I was *the wife*, but unknown and uncherished.

**Posted by M-Kate** July 29, 2023 2:54 pm

My husband never holds my hand and pushes my hand away when I try to hold his.

**Posted by M-Kate** July 31, 2023 8:37 am

He has claimed that he wants our marriage to work and he's recommitted, but he usually forgets to wear his wedding ring. He says he doesn't like "jewelry". It bothers me.

**Posted by Blackie563** July 31, 2023 9:21 am

Anon2222 wrote:
It fucked me up bad. It messed with my mind. How his actions would be so different from his words....and if I pointed it out he would tell me I was wrong, misinterpreting him, or whatever else bogus excuse he could make. I thought he loved me. I was wrong. He only ever cared about himself.

Relatable content. Saying one thing and constantly doing another is the very definition of manipulation. My ex wife was and did the exact same thing, constantly, for nearly 20 years. "You always misinterpret me, I didn't mean it like that, etc". My body knew exactly what was wrong and something was off, but her constant gaslighting kept me going. It was awful.

Looking back, I have no regrets though. It was my path. Better to have learned late than never....

**Posted by Anon42** July 31, 2023 6:40 pm

M-Kate wrote:
...but he usually forgets to wear his wedding ring...

Yeah, my wife couldn't wear her wedding ring because her fingers got a bit fatter. She has not expressed desire to do anything about it. Now I think I know why.

**Posted by 31yearsOfLies** August 15, 2023 7:01 pm

Mine was a degrading piece of trash. He let his family treat me the same way. I knew it wasn't anything to do with me because they were the only people who treated me poorly. Everybody else I knew was really nice and friendly to me. His whole family was extremely judgemental over everything all of the time, no matter who they were dealing with. He was nothing more than "a chip off the old block".

**Posted by Anon2222** August 15, 2023 10:52 pm

31yearsOfLies wrote:
Mine was a degrading piece of trash. He let his family treat me the same way. I knew it wasn't anything to do with me because they were the only people who treated me poorly. Everybody else I knew was really nice and friendly to me. His whole family was extremely judgemental over everything all of the time, no matter who they were dealing with. He was nothing more than "a chip off the old block".

Good to know I'm not alone. His entire family treated me like shit. At first he would stand up for me, and tell them to stop. Then over the years he stopped and would just shrug and be like "I know they suck, what do you want me to do about it". At the end he was actively putting his family over me. Such awful people. Looking at it now...I, too, never really had issues with others. Most people said I was a wonderful, caring person. Nothing I did for that family was ever enough. His dad especially was an a-hole....and now he is the spitting image of his father.

**Posted by Shh0406** September 13, 2023 5:52 am

He would come home with bruises all over his body and say it was from playing basketball. This has went on the whole relationship. I've been with men who play basketball. My son played basketball his whole life and he doesn't get Rug burn on his knee every time i turn around. Its a lie. Bdsm lie