OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Do you believe they were attracted to you?

**Posted by Nimble** July 16, 2023 12:41 pm

Rob wrote:
Nimble,

I hope you remain forever "her person".

I would think a good quality person could remain faithful and true. But my GX was not of good quality. It's like she withheld strong heterosexual attraction from me.. doled just enough out to keep me for years and then years later became bold enough to be who she truly is..a truly hurtful person. She considered herself the victim. It was bizarre..she was the victim of kind and cherished heterosexual love?

There are few people in the world I consider more evil than my GX..murderers? Violent criminals?..but even those at least you know who they are to avoid them..hard to avoid someone you are married to but secretly does not fully love you with all their heart and being..

Thanks, yeah. I totally understand your feeling which is why the rest of my comment said that some folks seem downright evil.

I'm truly sorry for you and everyone who's had their lives completely upended by the deceit.

Hopefully you find a path forward and can have a life filled with better people, though I'm sure it will be challenging to trust another again.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 16, 2023 2:26 pm

Nimble wrote:
....That's a very odd cherry pick which intentionally disregards what I said right after.
I don't know why you do this stuff.....

Your comment encompassing "everyone's partners".....was triggering because not everybody and their partner is you and yours.

I do this "this stuff" because this is a board for straightspouses who are hurting, indecisive....and need support in their journey through the Mindfuck, not for couples who have already made up their minds to be a monogamous MOM.

E

**Posted by Tara** July 16, 2023 3:14 pm

Just for the record, I wasn’t triggered by Nimble’s statement bc he made an allowance for real evil.

Most of the time I think my SBTX is just so completely self-absorbed in his own pain/confusion/anger (at God?) and trying to maintain his closet.. that he has no idea how his words and actions affect me. I remember thinking during many many conversations and marriage therapy sessions that even though I’m bearing my soul here, talking about my pain, he cannot see beyond his own nose. But there have def been moments where I’ve wondered if he was a monster.

I can pity him in his misery, but I will no longer chase after his affections… be his beard … be the object of his repressed rage…be the victim of his fragility.

Last edited by Tara (July 16, 2023 3:16 pm)

**Posted by Nimble** July 16, 2023 3:58 pm

Ellexoh_nz wrote:
Nimble wrote:
....That's a very odd cherry pick which intentionally disregards what I said right after.
I don't know why you do this stuff.....

Your comment encompassing "everyone's partners".....was triggering because not everybody and their partner is you and yours.

I do this "this stuff" because this is a board for straightspouses who are hurting, indecisive....and need support in their journey through the Mindfuck, not for couples who have already made up their minds to be a monogamous MOM.

E

I think you misunderstood-

I said I don't believe everyone, meaning each and every person's spouse is evil. It would be asinine to make assumptions like that. But to be safe, I followed up with the admission that many did seem pretty evil.

... And you still jumped my post.

So yeah, after this post I'm done. Say whatever you want on my posts but I won't respond to you. You seem like someone spoiling for a fight.

I'm not with that.

**Posted by TangledOil** July 16, 2023 5:01 pm

Hi Nimble,

I sent you a message.

Tangled

**Posted by lily** July 17, 2023 5:18 pm

Bella32658 wrote:
My spouse tells me while he's not physically attracted to me now, he was 20 yrs ago. I find it hard to believe now. But maybe it's just the pain. What do you think? Do you think you're spouse found you physically attractive?

No of course he didn't find me attractive. He's gay.

What he did think (and I have had this happen over and over) is that I was his best chance at it. And I think that's quite common amongst straight spouses, we get hit on by closet gays because they like the feel of us - we're gay friendly.

**Posted by walkbymyself** July 19, 2023 1:06 pm

Lily, I strongly agree with your theory.

Nimble, people arrive here with baggage. All of us do.

**Posted by MoonChild** July 19, 2023 9:31 pm

I know for sure my husband was never sexually attracted to me he claimed ED our entire relationship and I supported him the entire time always making sure he was ok when sex didn't go as planned which was every time. Now he tells me he loves me romantically but not sexually and tells me how happy and light he feels while my world falls apart in front of my eyes.

**Posted by Leslie77** July 20, 2023 7:41 am

Moonchild, I was in a similar situation. My ex had ED from Day #1. He couldn't perform without using Viagra and self-stimulation and sometimes not even then. He said it was a lifelong condition that kept him from ever having a long-term relationship as women put him down for that. I was the wonderful understanding wifey.

At the end he admitted to being attracted to "some men" although he still claimed to be straight and is now openly dating women but secretly seeing men. From what I've been told. I don't want anything to do with him. He ruined my life.

**Posted by clintonia** August 8, 2023 11:11 pm

Rob wrote:
She considered herself the victim.....There are few people in the world I consider more evil than my GX..murderers? Violent criminals?..but even those at least you know who they are to avoid them.

So I'm not the only person who feels this way. Should be in the same category as the above plus rapists to me. This is a substantial part of the reason I perceive the Pride movement to be notably facilitating violence. If people don't know or acknowledge it head on, they participate in its continuation, in letting people who are horribly abusive slide (or promoting them). Another contributor to an unsafe world. When will the people who've been abused get that safety? You "know who the [criminals] are" because there are laws to protect others from them-- now. The world is certainly less safe when people intentionally choose not to stand against those who are inhuman to others. There should be better laws in place to protect those who speak up, when the rest of the world won't see interpersonal abuse. But people in general should also be supportive against this type of violence, and in my experience, they prefer to ignore or negate it, 100% in solidarity with the abusive partner.