Thank you x. My 'husband' is currently at a football match with my 2 gorgeous boys - who I now have to protect from this mess. I feel physically sick to think I have been having unprotected sex with him and god knows what he has been doing! Were you in a similar situation? 

Butterfly49, I feel your pain: have been working my way through a similar situation for years now. The best advice that I got here was: stay in your own reality. Every time I try to talk to my (coach, great job, “good guy”) husband about any of this, it is a miserable experience akin to getting dumped overboard on a swamp tour: which end is up and how do I get out? He cannot tell the truth and somehow it has to be all my fault - for questioning, or minding, or existing. Stick to your values: truth, honesty, kindness. And I’d say, unless you really think you can handle living that sticky swamp, work your way out. Living someone else’s lies is a pretty crummy existence. You can build a better one. It may take some time - I’m still slugging through - but at least I’m not afraid that I’m going to wake up to stds, more stalker boyfriend pics, or my (working on ex-) husband asleep on the floor because he had too much to drink, again, because he can’t really handle it all either. Be strong. My heart goes out to you. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but it’s hard to see when you are at the beginning of discovery.  It sounds like you have the resources to get out, which is great.  Build a healthier life, and if he can’t go there, I think you’ll have to do it on your own. Ouch, I know.