Hi. What a horrible experience for you. I remember that i felt nauseous and weakened by the discovery that something was deeply awry and that my husband was gay - no question.

In my experience, my husband was also on hook up sights (for kinky sex with other men) for which I found the credit card statement.

I'm not sure how long it took him from joining the site to actually meeting men. But from what evidence I had (too much and too horrifying to document here) he did meet up with these men and many others for sex - I didn't need to confront him. I knew by what I saw. 

If I did conftont him, he would have just lied the whole thing away and accuse me of spying... Remember, these people have lied all their lives and will do anything to cover themselves.

My mistake was I did not document ... the evidence, which may or may not affect future divorce proceedings.

I hope this helps - at least, just knowing so many people on here are in similar situations.

Definitely stop the sex life if you haven't already, for your own safety and get tested for STDs.

Once I knew my husband was unfaithful with (many) men, I asked him to choose between putting the brakes on this (so we could map out next steps sanely) or moving out. He moved out.

Over time, (2 years) things are easier. I find I actually like myself. He still remains firmly in the closet to family, friends, which really locks me in his closet too.

Next step in my mind, is to tell those who deserve to know. But he is pathologically trapped within himself. This will be very difficult.

Believe it or not, though, we still get together for bbqs, family, birthdays, weddings ... part of his cloak of normalcy.

I see it as this: I married a hologram. He was never really him. Now in our sort-of friendship I have to decide if I like this person. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. But I now get the luxury of distancing myself from him whenever I want - somewhat liberating, but not as freeing as him being "out".

Gosh - I have no evidence he has had sex with men, but I presume so! I don't visit hook up sites or sex text other men and women. I feel totally used and like our marriage is/was just a cover. Has anyone stayed with their spouse in these situations? I have 2 kids to think about too.  

Oh, I do feel for you. You have (young?) kids. You and they are the highest priority.

If you have suppprtive family with whom you feel happy to disclose your story, they will scaffold you at this time. They know you and your kids best.

Getting evidence is just how I confirmed my husband is gay. I wasn't clear-headed enough to immediately collect it for future use. I would say most people are not. We don't expect to find ourselves in these horrible circumstances, so we don't always look for/collect evidence.

Don't beat yourself up about things like evidence. Stay focused on you and your kids. Choose the next step, even if it's tiny,  mindfully - hard to do when your world is blowing up.

I'm very sorry there are no words to make your grief disappear.

Thank you everyone for your advice and it helps me that other people understand - although I wish none of us are in these horrible situations. 

My husband has worked hard to conceal things from me but it is catching up with him now. I imagine he has been doing it for years! He is the complete 'golden husband' - works hard, has a fabulous house (thanks to me and my money!), sports coach, all round good guy. 

I feel very used and wonder did he ever love me at all, or am I just the facade. I come from an emotionally dysfuctional family so wondering now have I been totally stupid!! 

To think he has been having sex and doing god knows what else with other men and then sleeping with me, I feel physically sick.