OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / What do you do when it all goes to hell?

**Posted by LostAtSea** June 7, 2023 4:17 pm

Wanted to add….

Please give yourself time. Grieving is not a linear process and you will have days like this. Lean into them but don’t stay there too long.

And know you are worthy and not worthless! You are/ were coping with the information you have. You didn’t see anything bc he lied and didn’t allow you to see it.

Be kind to yourself and show yourself some grace. I’m trying to do the same.

Take care!

Last edited by LostAtSea (June 7, 2023 6:35 pm)

**Posted by Anon2222** June 7, 2023 5:35 pm

I blocked his number on everything. And then I contacted the lawyer and retained him. Just keep breathing is what I'm telling myself. And one step in front of the other.

My friend video chatted and provided a crap ton of support. Depression sucks.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** June 7, 2023 8:12 pm

Anon2222 wrote:
I blocked his number on everything. And then I contacted the lawyer and retained him. Just keep breathing is what I'm telling myself. And one step in front of the other.

My friend video chatted and provided a crap ton of support. Depression sucks.

❤️

**Posted by Anon 765** June 8, 2023 7:06 am

Hi Anon2022,

It's a wonderful step forward in self-love that you blocked his number and retained a lawyer! That took a lot of courage.

I've reclaimed much of my self worth by exploring (in therapy and on my own) anxious attachment, the pursuer/withdrawer dynamic, codependence, and covert (or overt!) narcissism. It helped me see the hooks that kept drawing me back in. There are some great podcasts and books out there for all of the above.

This helped me slowly get past self-blame, and self-loathing, and see that I had been in a very unhealthy relationship for a long time. The effects on my mental and physical health were devastating. This took a lot of time (years), and as others have mentioned was not (and still is not) a linear process. But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm glad you have a good friend who can be there for you. Depression certainly does suck, and having all of this "mindfuck" on top of it only makes it harder.

As you say, just keep breathing, find a part of yourself to love, and take one step at a time. Though it may seem tempting to just exit as quickly as possible, do take the time to make sure your needs will be provided for. You definitely deserve a secure future.

Anon 765

**Posted by Rob** June 8, 2023 4:02 pm

Anon222,

First you are not a pathetic loser. You are not trash.. You are worth more than your lousy husband can ever comprehend....its not even in their moral being to see our value. This is all him and not you.

They wear us down and devalue us subtly or directly over years and then, I feel, develop this arrogance where they think they are Gods or some super omnipotent beings and we are less. The opposite is true.he is just broken, delusional, arrogant, broken and hurtful. Above all he is not normal... a normal moral person would care that their spouse is hurting.

"he told me I'm the one who has problems and is abusive,.."

He is projecting his own behavior and insecurities and problems onto to. My GX did this..try to say I was the one that raged and yelled (i was always calm and docile as a scared mouse and she was the one raging). Toward the end she said I was having an affair (I knew no woman and I guess this made her feel better about cheating with a woman) ..

At some point I think they become totally delusional and live in an alternate moral reality.. Its not a place we want to be...
Definitely no contact is all you can do... there is no trying to think he will treat you better or help you on a human level... especially when he has a lawyer telling him his reality is not true.