OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Having a daughter….

**Posted by Pinklady** May 25, 2023 11:09 am

Hi all

My story is on here somewhere some of you have probably had a read. My situation is not much better but I have a burning question that I hope some of you can answer or share similar experiences.

Hubby claims his “depression” began just after our daughter was born in august 2019. He says I was too occupied with our two children and he didn’t feel loved.

So my question is do these gay in denial husbands closet become harder to hide in once they have a daughter? Something relating to the fact they’ve used a woman and now they’re looking at their daughter and feeling huge amounts of guilt - because WE are also somebody’s daughter.

Just wondered if anyone has noticed this? I just can’t fathom why he would become depressed once our daughter was born and then proceed to make me feel unwanted because “I was too occupied with our children”

Thanks guys I hope you’re all well xx

**Posted by lily** May 25, 2023 11:29 am

I remember saying about my marriage that it was like being henpecked by an industrial strength chicken.

And I wonder if it's something to do with that - he wants to be the alpha female. One gay husband I know responded to the birth of his daughter by insisting his wife wasn't up to it and he had to take her place as mother.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 25, 2023 1:50 pm

Pinklady wrote:
So my question is do these gay in denial husbands closet become harder to hide in once they have a daughter?
.........I just can’t fathom why he would become depressed once our daughter was born and then proceed to make me feel unwanted because “I was too occupied with our children”

Some men will say anything to take the spotlight off themselves and shine it on the women who they know will probably take on and absorb the responsibility for an issue that has nothing to do with her and has everything to do with him.
Trying to climb into the mind of a gay/bisexual man to find out how he thinks....ew yuck, no thanks!

Elle

**Posted by Anon42** May 26, 2023 9:20 am

Not sure if this helps, but my wife claims that she became depressed after our second son's birth (9 years ago) and she came out of that depression just recently by realizing that she's a lesbian, and wants to date women.

**Posted by Grace1958** May 26, 2023 7:23 pm

My first husband, father of my daughters, came out to only me as gay when the second one was about 18 months old. We stayed together for 8 more years and after the divorce he spent almost no time with his girls. He said he was happy we had daughters because he wouldn't know how to parent a boy - hates sports, etc. But he never took the time to get to know his girls either. But then he also never took the time to know me as his wife. I feel it's entirely possible that some men, regardless of orientation simply do not understand females and especially small child females. I'm not trying to give yours an out but I don't think this is an orientation thing. I think this is just a some guys thing. And that nonsense about you being too occupied? Whatever. Dude needs to get over himself.