OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Question about lawyers fees

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 12, 2023 12:50 am

I've just received a bill for nearly $800. Much of it was for getting A. to respond to my lawyer.

I wanted to not use our joint money but I've already paid out a thousand! from my own money.

What would you/did you do to pay your legal fees?

Elle.

**Posted by Rob** May 12, 2023 6:28 am

Paid mine a dollar a day for the rest of my life...semikidding.

Getting away from these spouses is expensive...because..they are abnormal. You can be in the same room with them but must use a lawyer to communicate because one cannot communicate with an abnormal person who lives in an alternate reality. Getting away from a narcissts has a cost.
Mine watched the bills pile up from her lawyer too..would have made it go on forever if the court did not drag us in and say settle it.

All our bills were settled as planned by the lawyers when the house was refinanced..I paid my lawyer from my share and she paid her lawyer from her share.

PS
Very expensive breaking free from a narcissist...but...I sent my lawyer into the room with her and her lawyer for the final negotiation...worth every penny to let them get screamed at by her and physically safer for me.

Last edited by Rob (May 12, 2023 6:29 am)

**Posted by Blue Bear** May 12, 2023 11:55 am

Rob wrote:
Getting away from these spouses is expensive...because..they are abnormal. You can be in the same room with them but must use a lawyer to communicate because one cannot communicate with an abnormal person who lives in an alternate reality. Getting away from a narcissts has a cost.

Rob is spot on. I spent $60K+. My ex-wife was insane during the divorce process -- there was not a court-ordered deadline that she felt was mandatory, and she fought over everything. She literally had her lawyer raise issues over me "stealing" a $30 Crock-Pot when I took one of two identical Crock-Pots from the kitchen during the separation process. I kid you not. We went all the way through to trial, and then she needed to re-re-negotiate after the court made its determinations.

As for how to pay? Ask your attorney whether expenses for the divorce should come from joint or separate money.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 12, 2023 2:11 pm

Thanks Rob and Blue Bear. Yeah the fact we're in the same house but don't talk about it is doing my head in but I want to know if it's feasible for me to expect him to pay half (I'll do some Google search)...
Oh! I just had a brilliant idea! Maybe I'll pay half from my acc and take the other half from our joint.

Every question to my lawyer costs me money while he's sitting there
...well I don't know if he's doing nothing.
Fuck...
!@(?!#&!!

E

**Posted by Rob** May 12, 2023 6:19 pm

There is an end ..im my case the court wanted it off the books.settle or set a trial date. They had us come to courthouse and negotiate..that's when I sent my lawyer in to listen to her. Part of my method was to stay in the home and make my presence known
.of she want me gone sign the settlement or propose a new one.
I can't imagine being separated I different houses..do or e could go on forever.

BB..feel so bad for you you had to go to trial with your crazy narcisst. Which our spouses were nor al and could just give our separate ways.

Last edited by Rob (May 12, 2023 7:01 pm)

**Posted by Anon2222** May 12, 2023 7:21 pm

It's quite the process I'm learning. He moved out and has done pretty much nothing so far.

I have already paid over $1,000 just to find out what my legal options are. I haven't even retained a lawyer as of yet. The divorce process hasn't actually even been started...so there's still all those fees to look forward to...

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 13, 2023 2:26 pm

MJM017 wrote:

A. and I moved my stuff and our son's boxes and household goods into the garage to make it easier when the movers come....next week! My son gave me a virtual tour through the house we'll be living in...with A. standing behind me (really weird....a bit awkward) I mentioned this to my son and he said "I know it feels weird but it's gonna be okay"

Rob wrote:

I'm crossing my fingers this will not get to court!

Anon222 wrote:

Anon....processes are surely different in our respective countries but why have you had to pay that much! simply to find out your options?!

Elle

**Posted by Upside** May 14, 2023 11:50 am

Been absent, but proud of you for making this leap Elle.

The total end cost was over $70k on my side.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 14, 2023 2:00 pm

Upside wrote:
Been absent, but proud of you for making this leap Elle.
The total end cost was over $70k on my side.

$70k...oh my! That puts my almost-$2k to shame.

Upside how have you been? Has your life improved...to the extent you feel whole, are your wounds healed or will they always be open?

Elle