OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Those who have gone through a legal system....I have a question

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 15, 2023 3:03 pm

Especially if you live in New Zealand...

How many of you told your lawyer that your partner was a member (acknowledged or not) of the lgbtq community?

And did it make any difference to the process?

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (February 15, 2023 3:05 pm)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** February 15, 2023 3:14 pm

I told my lawyer. She was supportive, but it made no difference to the process. The first lawyer I consulted was not sympathetic, and that is one reason I did not retain her.

I do wish I'd said something to the judge on the day I went to court, for instance, when she asked me if the marriage were irretrievably broken, because I think it would have been entered into the court records, and as my ex remains closeted, there would have been an official document recording that. (I was under oath, too, so it would have counted.)

Your jurisdiction might be different, of course.

**Posted by Rob** February 15, 2023 3:18 pm

Yes...but . In my area made no difference...hard to prove infidelity also and it would just be a huge waste of money..courts really could care less...unless she was an axe murderer (which would affect custody). It was simply a division of assets.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 15, 2023 4:47 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
......I do wish I'd said something to the judge on the day I went to court......because I think it would have been entered into the court records
Your jurisdiction might be different, of course.

I'm going to avoid court (hopefully) with the collaborative process....but yes I have visions of saying something*
in front of somebody* in his presence

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 15, 2023 4:51 pm

Rob wrote:
Yes...but . In my area made no difference...hard to prove infidelity also and it would just be a huge waste of money..courts really could care less...unless she was an axe murderer (which would affect custody). It was simply a division of assets.

I know it matters little to the courts.
And I have a growing respect for and need to tell my story

E

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 15, 2023 4:57 pm

MJM017 wrote:
...... You may be able to negotiate a financial settlement favorable to you for keeping this info private.

Hmmm.....speaking my truth/ending up with more money. Decisions decisions

E

**Posted by Vistaseda** February 15, 2023 7:54 pm

When searching for an attorney I stopped mentioning lgtb status because there seemed to be bias built in and assumptions that I was adverse to ex's status. My questions at the time were never fully addressed.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** February 15, 2023 9:08 pm

Vistaseda wrote:
When searching for an attorney I stopped mentioning lgtb status because there seemed to be bias built in and assumptions that I was adverse to ex's status. My questions at the time were never fully addressed.

A bias against the lgbtq community or your perceived (tightly or wrongly) attitude?

Elle

**Posted by W10J** February 20, 2023 5:38 pm

I told mine, but it made no difference. And he'd have found out anyway, since when papers were served, he needed a recent photo of ex, as a woman. All the name changes sure made the legal stuff harder. And more expensive.