So...I sent the letter to the woman.  She wrote me back.  She says he told her on an early date, and said to her that it was "compensatory behavior" and no longer happening.

I ask myself: were the seven years of shock and trauma, the blow to my self esteem, my femininity, my sense of myself as a woman, the upending of my life, all for a passing fancy?  I used to ask myself when/if he would come to his senses.  And now, he claims to this new woman that he has.  He was willing to flush 35 years of marriage down the toilet for "the little girl that was never allowed to come into being" and for his "inner woman," and now says this is something he no longer needs?  

I ask myself: as he's now come to his senses, where is his apology to me for putting me through hell?

I ask myself: does this sound like a preemptive strike by someone who fears his new girlfriend may hear rumors (there are people in their circle who know our story) and is assuring her in advance that it's not true?  Is this, I mean to say, the behavior of a deeply closeted man?  

 I wish I'd never ever agreed to stand in his closet for even a New York minute, because this is the reward I get.  

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (October 17, 2022 5:54 pm)

There is no cure for NPD or AGP.  Everyone is an object to be used by these guys.  It's only a matter of time before the new woman feels it.   He's busy love bombing.her right now but that will pass soon enough..  

IMO, it's best to leave the whole "trans" BS out of your discussion with your son.  Tell him the truth.  His Dad is personality disordered which causes him to lack any true sense of himself.  He's a false persona every moment of his life. His cross-dressing fetish and AGP are behaviors and fantasies he uses to soothe the anxiety and emotional dysregulation of NPD. 

So sorry to hear of the passing of your mom.