OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / What to do, what to think?

**Posted by Anon2222** August 31, 2022 7:36 pm

My gay husband also asked me to come look at rentals....I declined. It's like he can't even comprehend the torture he's putting me through. Am I supposed to go take a look and be like "oooo....this looks perfect for your new spectacular gay life without me!"

I have to also say....I still don't get it. He rented a crappy single bedroom old apartment above a garage. And bought a ridiculously expensive TV. My friend asked if he could have a brain tumor....

So. I agree with you there. I have no idea who I'm still married to here.

As far as custody goes I want to underline the get a lawyer. Not something to mess around with, at all. You need a good lawyer to make sure you are looked after and your daughter is properly taken care of. I have no idea how it works if you do go 50/50....is there still child support? But you need to take into account that, at this point, you basically have no idea who this person is and what they are capable of doing. And work from there.

**Posted by Rob** August 31, 2022 9:32 pm

Stuck, Anon,

Feel for both of you.

My GX was looking at houses..giant houses where her and the kids and the girlfriend and her kids would all live happily ever after...with full custody. Myself and the girlfriend's ex husband would fund the whole thing with neither woman working.. husbands allowed only on some weekends to see the kids. This was the actual entitlement and power my GX thought she possessed.

I drove around looking at cheap rentals..all I wanted was a safe place with room for the kids. In the end I kept the family home and bought her out. It was the only home I knew. But I lock my doors still at night and changed all the locks.

I echo the other replies..one needs a lawyer and legal parenting plan so it's legally written where the kids are supposed to be and when. When you have pipe burst you call a plumber, when a spouse destroys the marriage you call a lawyer.

Last edited by Rob (August 31, 2022 9:34 pm)

**Posted by Victo** August 31, 2022 11:13 pm

My GID narcissist abuser ex got the house, custody, and my career. 🤦‍♂️

Don’t be me!

**Posted by lily** September 1, 2022 11:31 am

Hi Stuck - yes I do think he has planned it - my ex wanted to buy a holiday house which he would then do up. Something in me went no, I want answers before we spend the money. We never bought that house, I finally worked out what was wrong - GID, psychologically abusive towards me - and we got divorced first - phew!

I wish I could say I then took him to the cleaners but at least, with my very good solicitor making it happen, I got a halfway decent deal.

With hindsight I can see that without her it would have been him taking me to the cleaners. He had already made his plans and the do-upper holiday house was part of it. Meanwhile in my corner I was low and very uncertain of myself and still tending to trust what he said.

Sorry to say but I think you have to expect your H to use your daughter as a way to gain your compliance over and again. Hope you are able to find the right people to help you - hope you have already started talking with family, friends - you need help and advice - it's time to take the lead back and make your own plans.

**Posted by Hurtbeyondbelief** September 12, 2022 10:32 pm

Get out of this marriage while you can. I have been married to a man for 46 years, just found out he had a 15 year affair with a man during our marriage. The only reason I found out is because he contracted AIDS and the health department contacted me. He NEVER told me anything! I can't get out. I am 68 years old and cannot live on my social security alone. I will have to take medicine for the rest of my life because of my husband's stupidity. Get yourself (and your baby) checked by a Dr. and get away from him. He is TOXIC!