My comments in red 

stuckinoz wrote:

..... I have no one really to talk to. You have us to talk to
What do I do? You take a deep breath, then another one, then one more. Deep breathing instead of startled emotions where you're holding your breath. On the General Board there's a thread called the First Aid Kit. Read it and continue to ask questions.
Is he gay? It doesn't matter what he is, he's dishonest, he's not who you thought he was.
Is he straight but went through a massive crisis and has come out the other side? That really isn't the point. The point is he knew to keep this from you because he knew it would change things between you and that is not what he wants. 
Can I ever trust him again? He was so good at lying, how do I know he does not lie now when he says he wants to continue with me?  Do you think you could? Trust him again? Honestly, he's proven he can, he did and may do again...lie to you
I need help, I need advice, I need guidance, I need a crystal ball! No you don't need a crystal ball, you need to look deep inside yourself and decide what you're willing to accept from a man who's not the man you thought he was 

 

Welcome to our Forum Stuckinoz

Elle
 

Hi StuckinOz,
I agree with Elle. It matters less what his sexuality is than the fact that he is a compulsive liar. (you did get tested for STIs, right?)
He is not going to change. Period.
You're likely young and I know you have a little one but if you can afford to kick him out or move out it seems like the only real choice. Unless you want to be on a pendulum ride back and forth with him and then have him leave or dump him 10 yrs from now when your child has been affected more.
Just saying...

I agree with others.....I highly recommend a different counsellor....

Honestly, some of these therapists are horrific. I swear they just mess people up worse. When my husband first decided he was bi I went to counselling and I told her that I was worried he wasn't telling the whole truth and that he was actually gay and would turn around and come out sometime and dump me. Her response was "yup, he might just do that" and that if he did it wouldn't be that big of a deal because it would just mean we weren't right for each other but right now I needed to focus on trusting him as is and believing what he said, because he knows better than anyone. And my main focus should be support, not questioning his identity. I never went back.

I really do feel like we get rail roaded by society somedays. Everyone is so supportive of the spouse coming out and "finding themselves" and not "living a lie"....that some even encourage them to explore and on and on. Because they've been repressing themselves, they deserve it. Meanwhile, anyone out there telling the married straight guy to go out and explore with other women because he's been repressing his urges down to poor old monogamy all this time???

Thank you all for responding to me. it is our 16th wedding anniversary today, but what is there to celebrate? the vows that were broken? 
As much as all of what you all said makes sense, I cannot get past the fact that I feel stuck, needing answers as to why he did the things he did. Why do I feel that because of his abuse, things get excused away? Is that fair to me? Why do I have a problem with leaving/kicking him out? I think it matters greatly whether he is gay or not... I feel sick, I have a really bad back and limited movement at the moment. I literally feel stuck in this situation, in my life. If it wasn't for my daughter, I would not be here anymore.
He is about to walk through the door after a few days away for work, and will most likely act normal. He wants to continue life, and sweep everything that happened under the rug. He desperately wants to go overseas, thinking it is the kickstart our relationship needs. I can barely just 'live' with him at home.
I realise this reads as rambling, it is so hard to get my thoughts and emotions verbalised.
 

I tend to be someone who is rather blunt and realistic so sorry if this comes over that way. Do you have skills to support you and your daughter on your own along with child support? Then there's no reason to stay. He just came back from being away for work. I'll say what most likely 90% of the others here think when they see that. He went off for work...and play. He'll continue to see men whenever he is off for work, or out for a workout at the gym or any number of things. If your family lives anywhere nearby, heck, even in Australia at all, it would be a tremendously bad idea to move you and your daughter overseas. You won't have a support system. You can't access child support networks easily. You may not even be able to work unless you have a job before you move there. 
Too many red flags to mention regarding moving. 
Please don't leave anywhere you have a safety net. If you feel trapped now, imagine being thousands of miles from loved ones with no money to get back. 
Even if you are not ready to leave yet, please think 50 times before you agree to move anywhere with him.  take it from an old lady - I've seen this tactic before (not related to sexuality but abuse) and had to help get a niece home from another country when she was abandoned there. Then her child's father tried to get custody through that country, forbidding her to take the child back to the home country and very nearly succeeded. 
Liars are like Leopards. They never change their spots.