MJM017 wrote:

I think you said your husband has borderline personality disorder..

I did, though I’m not sure he’s ever actually been diagnosed. He told me he had BPD when we were very young and our relationship was very new. I had never heard of it before then, but when he described it it seemed to make sense. I remember he saw some sort of professional briefly, but I think that was for depression? I was a teenager, I didn’t ask a lot of questions... I just remember that they put him on medication that he hated and so he stopped taking it and never went back.

I *thought* he was getting better at managing it, at least the anger and the outbursts... but, I learned awhile back that the reason it seemed that way was because he was lashing out in other ways after me and the children were asleep. Specifically, he had apparently taken up alcoholism for the duration of my pregnancy (he has since stopped drinking and switched to weed) and was engaging in self-harm (things like punching concrete and hitting his head on things) again... which I hadn’t seen him do in years. So, two steps forward and one step back.

MJ,

I don’t know enough about it so I couldn’t really say, he definitely has something wrong but getting him to see any sort of doctor for it isn’t going to happen (I can’t force him to go if he doesn’t want to).

Our support network is a bit patchy. We don’t have friends, his family is out of state, and mine is... well, let’s put it this way: My parents are usually the ones coming to me for support and advice, not the other way around. I did vent to my dad, because he’s more traditional like I am so he could understand why I’m upset. But I’d be very wary of leaning on him or anyone else in my family too much.

As for helping with kids, my parents are young. They both have new families with school aged children and full-time jobs. They can’t offer much help there. That’s why I’m looking into making money online. Probably blogging.

Baby steps

Abby wrote:

Everyone wants to make money blogging but supporting yourself at it is elusive. It will be healthier for you to get out and meet real people and not be isolated.


 

If I want to make earn money while my kids are still little, I don’t really have the luxury of doing something out of the house. Daycare for babies/toddlers is super expensive, and our schools are garbage. I’m homeschooling, it’s a huge priority for both myself and my husband, and not one we’ll neglect unless we have literally no other option. So working out of the home is out of the question for now.

I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket. I refinish furniture, and have made money doing so in the past... But I can’t do that again until I’m done breastfeeding, and I need to find something I can start now. I’ve also dabbled in toymaking and could potentially earn an income on Etsy that way. With anything entrepreneurial it takes time and patience to make money, but in my case trying is definitely worth a shot.

I agree that the isolation isn’t exactly healthy. I’m a very social person so I’ve been going a little stir crazy... but that’s a separate issue and not high on my priority list right now. 1-care for kids, 2-rest and heal, 3-care for home, 4-find income, 5-everything else.

We can only play with the cards we’ve been dealt.

HopelessRomantic wrote:

Elle,..I’m desperately hoping it never comes to a point where we have to just end it. Despite our flaws we still generally make a good team,

Yeah...we make an awesome team too ( apart from the elephant in the room ) but we made even more of a spectacularly perfect team when I didn't know how much his secret bisexual fantasies and desires would impact my life and empty it of much of what made it good. 
I guess what I'm trying to say is...your husband will always be bisexual, and you can't do anything to change that. While my partner appeared to back away, listen to my concerns, agree to not see anybody, throw out all his sexual toys, delete his profiles on Craigslist etc......I know he still looks at 'sites' and I've decided I know longer want to be suspicious, check his phone, angst over it and since we are no longer intimate...it is easier to not care. 

This is how fucked up my life is....I'm with a man I am no longer in love with, but stay because life/the world has changed so much that leaving will mean I lose the options that staying affords me.

Elle



 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (March 9, 2022 2:40 pm)

HopelessRomantic wrote:

....And Elle,
I’m sending you hugs.. Infidelity is so hard to heal from. I’m so sorry you’re going through that.

It's not infidelity as much as the lack of trust I live with. He could fuck a whole truckload of men and I wouldn't care but I know he'd hide the truck behind a fence and say it belonged to somebody else.....lol