OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Is it fair to ask my husband this?

**Posted by Treelovingvegan** December 29, 2021 8:58 am

Dear group,

Is it fair to ask my husband to stop sitting down to pee? It makes me feel uncomfortable. I want to ask him to stop. He says he does it because it’s cleaner. I feel uncomfortable about it. Is that fair of me to ask him to stop?

Thank you.

TLV

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 29, 2021 10:03 am

I don't know whether it's fair but I will tell you that my now-ex also sat down to pee. He was 6'4" and said it was easier and cleaner. Made sense to me...until, decades later, he told me he'd decided he was transgender and I began casting back through our lives together re-seeing everything through that new lens, and I asked myself: did he do it because it was easier and cleaner or did he do it because women did it?

My experience may be irrelevant to your situation now, and I have no idea how widespread a phenomenon it is with men to sit down to pee, but I will say that if you're asking, you're asking for a reason, and that reason is that you're uncomfortable with it, and if you're uncomfortable with it, you see it as some kind of red flag indicating something that upsets you, and if you are so upset by it, why don't you raise your discomfort with your husband? You don't have to ask him to stop to open the discussion.

**Posted by lily** December 29, 2021 11:04 am

this topic has come up before, my ex sat down to pee too and it does appear to be something that married gay men do and their wives notice it and well I remember thinking it was a bit weird and he said it's more comfortable so I hope the men will chime in and say what they think might be happening. Is it they don't want to touch their own penis?

I dob't know about the rights and wrongs of it, TLV, and I would have thought it was easier not to have to sit down.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 29, 2021 3:53 pm

Treelovingvegan wrote:
....Is it fair to ask my husband to stop sitting down to pee?....

I would say no it's not fair. This is a very personal act and it's got nothing to do with you.

Insist on him shutting the door and for your sake.....walk away!!

Elle

**Posted by Soaplife** December 30, 2021 6:14 am

Does it matter? My dad, sons and gxh did/do both - sit and stand. As long as they leave the toilet clean I'm fine. It means they don't leave the seat up either.

**Posted by rekamc** December 31, 2021 10:22 am

MJM017 wrote:
My late GIDXH did this too. I had other boyfriends and lived with another guy (not married to him) before meeting my ex-h -- not one of them sat down ever.

My guess is he didn't want to be intimate. He felt weird showing his private parts. It was a natural reaction to an unnatural situation of his making. I've had female roommates/friends and I never showed anything. I would feel weird if I accidentally flashed or was flashed by them.

Don't know if it's the same with your h. I would like to hear what the guys of the forum say about this too.

I don't mean to completely derail this thread but was there a reason for this? My ex-LW had no problem being topless and/or completely naked in front of her female friends. I always thought it was weird but never really said anything about it. I'm guessing that is another red-flag that I missed, huh?

**Posted by lily** December 31, 2021 4:11 pm

No need to derail this thread, why not spill the beans - have you noticed anything re men sitting or standing?

I have no problem being naked in front of female friends, now or when I was a young woman. But it would only happen because we are getting ready to go for a swim or something. No problem, but preference is to keep private parts hidden from view.

My sense of things is that once you are an adult, allowing a female friend to see you getting changed is a sign of friendship, I also have a gay male friend who I am so close with I don't mind him seeing me either - ie I am comfortable they are not interested in me sexually - but basically no, private parts are private until it comes to a lover.

I'd rather stay dressed in front of the doctor too - until I'm in too much pain to care!

writing this post I am going to need a nap now - omg, how deeply we are affected.

Last edited by lily (December 31, 2021 4:39 pm)

**Posted by Blue Bear** January 22, 2022 12:35 pm

There seems to be a more important question lurking in your mind than this one. It sounds like (not based upon this question, but upon your other posts) your husband is not straight. How are you processing that?

**Posted by Lola** August 25, 2022 4:34 pm

I know this post is not recent, the problem is probably solved now, but if anyone with same issu is passing by, I have never heard of this thing that could be gay red flag, as in my community (Muslim) we are tought to sit when peeing, all of us boys included, for hygienic reasons. From my grand dad to my little nephews, Everyone sits in the toilets. And when the toilet seat is up, it is an Investigation on which man of the house did not sat!

So for me you should be happy, no more pee splash